There’s Now a ‘Taylor Swift Award’: Let’s Guess the Qualifications
Last night, Taylor Swift had the honor of accepting the first-ever Taylor Swift Award, which Broadcast Music Inc. (BMI for short) awarded her in recognition of her talent and influence across the music industry.
When she accepted the award, Taylor made a crack about how, “If they had chosen somebody else, I’d be, like, kind of bummed about it.”
LOL, Taylor.
But let’s be real for a second, okay? What in god’s name is a Taylor Swift Award? Let’s guess the qualifications, shall we?
1. You have to have been named after a boring famous musician whose career you can easily eclipse.
Taylor was named after James Taylor, who might be somebody you know about if your parents are white, middle-aged former hippies who either live or dream of living in Western Massachusetts.
2. You have to have experienced at least three instances of getting bullied for being too tall/skinny/blonde/pretty.
3. You need to retain Girl Scout membership through at least eighth grade.
4. You need to have at least 28 women you consider your close, personal friends, all of lesser fame than you.
5. You need to have gone through four to five very public breakups with perfectly curated male celebrities who are just as famous as you.
6. You have to have been personally victimized by Kanye West at least once.
7. You need to have gone through a both a “not showing my bellybutton” phase and an “excuse me, but I only wear glittery dressy that match my sparkling personality” phase.
8. You need to be close personal friends with Anna Wintour.
9. You need to be seen drinking pumpkin spice lattes at least once a week from September through November.
10. You have to know all the words to at least one rap song.
Yeah, pretty sure that just leaves Taylor.
Sorry, everybody else.
