Tacos Are the New Pizza: A Manifesto On Being Basic in 2016
Have you noticed that within the past year everybody has started eating tacos?
Celebrities, your friends, those girls you call friends whom you actually don’t really know, and those girls you would rather die than call friends but make for a great hate follow.
And of course, when I say eating tacos, I actually mean taking pictures of their tacos and then putting them on Instagram with relevant hashtags like #foodporn, #omnom, or simply #tacos.
In fact, these days it seems like tacos have surpassed being “just food.”
Tacos are everywhere now. On shirts, phone cases, hell, there was even national outrage over the fact that until recently we didn’t have a taco emoji!
For some people tacos are even seen as #goals now or a measure of how much their boyfriend loves them.
This is because tacos are the new pizza, by which I mean tacos are the new symbol of what it means to be basic in 2016.
As you’re undoubtedly aware, for the past four or so years, basic bitches around the world have used pizza as a tool to try and convince people, and by people I mostly mean boys, that they’re “chill,” “fun” and most importantly that they’re “not like those girls,” the ones that just eat salad, take selfies and make everything all about them when in reality, they actually are those girls.
They’re the same girls who order a beer on a first date when in reality they love white wine and vodka sodas.
This is a very specific subset of basic bitches that are better known as pizza girls.
They’re usually hot, dress like rock stars and have bodies that suggest that they’ve never had a slice of pizza in their life.
See, it’s not the pizza they love, it’s what the pizza represents — a chillness to which every girl is supposed to aspire.
Only now, pizza isn’t the same anymore.
Pizza is done, pizza is tired, and most importantly, the secret about what pizza represents to them is out.
But now that everybody knows, just like how the symbols of every subculture eventually become devoid of meaning, Dr. Martens for grunge and harnesses for fetishists, pizza is becoming just pizza again.
Which is where tacos come in.
Tacos are the perfect substitute for pizza.
They’re both foods that look great on Instagram, go well with beer, don’t require forks or knives, and they come with the added bonus of guacamole, and who doesn’t just LOVE avocadoes?
Everybody wins with tacos!
Plus, everybody loves tacos right now.
Boys like tacos, parents like tacos, girls without Instagram like tacos, even racists like Donald Trump like tacos!
Which makes them the perfect symbol for basic bitches to hide behind… for now.
While we’ve yet to see the emergence of a “Hot Girls Eating Tacos”-type account, that day is coming, and it’s coming soon.
Taco girls, we see you.
We see everything.
