6 Signs You Might Regret Sleeping With Him

When lust, loneliness, and alcohol come together, it can end in drunken sex more often than not.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having a consensual one night stand if you’re into it, but other times you wake up in the morning only to realize that the guy you brought home is a total douchebag, the sex was bad, and you’re never going to hear from him again.

When alcohol is clouding your judgement, it’s easy to consider looks as the only important factor while ignoring the fact that his personality is complete shit. If you’re looking to have a one night stand that turns into something more, or at least doesn’t end in shame and regret, don’t go home with a guy that exhibits any of these traits.

1. He Won’t Stop Talking About His Money

At first glance (or after seven tequila shots) you may have thought you hit the jackpot after finding a cute dude who keeps saying how much he wants to “spoil you” and won’t stop rambling about how he once went clubbing with Leo. The thing is, people who feel the need to talk about their money are usually the ones who are insecure about it. It’s not to say that the guy you’re talking to doesn’t have money, but it does mean that he’s probably used to selling his hefty bank account as a way of getting laid because his real personality is shit.

2. He “Really Likes You”

How sweet, a guy that you met an hour ago at the bar is now professing his love to you.

He’s smart, he really is. Instead of saying how hot you are like every other guy, he’s appealing to your (drunken) emotions. What girl doesn’t like being told that a guy really likes her?

The thing is, what guy can honestly say that he likes you after drunkenly talking to you for under an hour? Maybe he likes your cleavage, or your eagerness to take another shot, but he doesn’t know you enough to like you. He just likes the idea of taking you home tonight. If he really likes you, he’ll still text you tomorrow after you refuse to go home with him.

3. He’s Pressuring You

Obviously, you know not to go home with a dude who is literally threatening you to go home with him — or else. What you might not pick up on is if he’s teasingly pressuring you. Like, “oh c’mon, you know you want to see my penthouse apartment tonight, stop trying to be a good girl.”

He may not be peer pressuring you the way you were taught to avoid in your fifth grade health class, but any guy who feels the need to beg you to go home with him is a loser. A good guy would respect your decision to go home with your girls instead of acting like a desperate puppy dog… or an asshole.

4. He Introduces Himself As Someone Important

When you fantasize about meeting Channing Tatum, you imagine him introducing himself as Channing while you giggle and say “I know who you are,” right?

If a guy was actually important, he probably would be cute and modest and not feel the need to shout about his recent contract with an NFL team or his record deal. Being cocky isn’t quite so cute. It’s even less cute when a dude tries to lie about his accolades in an attempt to get pussy.

I know you’re probably thinking, “what guy would lie to try to get laid?” But c’mon, let’s remember which gender we are talking about here. Unless you’re a sports aficionado, it would probably be really easy for a guy to lie to you about being a pro athlete. Thankfully, you have the world wide web at your fingertips with your smart phone. Feel free to google his ass while he’s standing right in front of you so that you can show him up if he thought he was being slick.

5. He Lives Far AF

Take a look at the outfit you’re wearing right now. Are you cool wearing it on a 40-minute subway ride tomorrow morning, or nah?

Call me shallow, but where a guy lives can have a serious impact on whether or not he’s getting laid. Like, is the dick really going to be that bomb that you won’t mind waking up in the suburbs? Is your friend going to be chill with having to come pick you up from bumfuck because that guy was totally worth it? Probably not, tbh.

For every hot/cool/smart guy you meet that lives far away, you can find an equally awesome guy that lives within a 10 mile radius. If this guy is worth your time, grab his number and go over to his (far away) place when you’re not tipsy and wearing six inch stripper heels.

6. He’s Hammered

This should go without saying, but sometimes it’s hard to tell when a complete stranger has reached their max drink capacity, especially when you’re drunk too.

Drunken sex is only passionate and hot in movies. In real life it looks like a fucking mess. Considering that most guys can hardly eat pussy sober, you don’t want to find out how their skills quickly diminish when they’re drunk. You also don’t want to wake up at 4 a.m. to find your slam peeing or puking on your floor. No amount of dick is going to heal the pain of having to clean up puke from your carpet, I promise.

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