A Guide to the Cast of Randos Joining Dancing With the Stars This Season
Dancing With the Stars just announced a new “celebrity-filled” cast for its 23rd season, and as usual, you won’t have any idea who the fuck most of them are unless you Google their asses.
Even though that takes practically zero effort, here’s a helpful guide that will help you navigate the twists and turns of your middle-aged parents‘ favorite reality show without even lifting a finger.
Woke feminist, talk show host, and former girlfriend of pothead/rapper/wearer of cool pants Wiz Khalifa and rapper/god/future president of the United States Kanye West
2. LAURIE HERNANDEZ
Baby gymnast and Drake stan.
3. MAUREEN MCCORMICK
Marcia Brady, OG pretty girl.
4. TERRA JOLE
Star of Little Women: L.A.
5. MARILU HENNER
Semi-respected actress who used to wear leotards in movies.
6. VANILLA ICE
Fuckboy one-hit wonder responsible for “Ice Ice Baby”
7. CALVIN JOHNSON
Super religious football player.
8. JAKE T. AUSTIN
Wannabe teen heartthrob, former co-star of Selena Gomez on Wizards of Waverly Place.
11-time Grammy Award winning producer and artist.
10. JAMES HINCHCLIFFE
Canadian race car driver who will probs/def be voted off first.
11. RICK PERRY
Failed two-time Republican presidential nominee.
12. RYAN LOCHTE
Fuckboy and disgraced Olympian.
13. JANA KRAMER
Country artist/mother A.K.A. the woman your conservative suburban mother will henceforth want you to grow up to be.