A Guide to the Cast of Randos Joining Dancing With the Stars This Season

Dancing With the Stars just announced a new “celebrity-filled” cast for its 23rd season, and as usual, you won’t have any idea who the fuck most of them are unless you Google their asses.

Even though that takes practically zero effort, here’s a helpful guide that will help you navigate the twists and turns of your middle-aged parents‘ favorite reality show without even lifting a finger.

1.AMBER ROSE

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

A photo posted by Amber Rose (@amberrose) on

Woke feminist, talk show host, and former girlfriend of pothead/rapper/wearer of cool pants Wiz Khalifa and rapper/god/future president of the United States Kanye West

2. LAURIE HERNANDEZ

@ P&G’s come at me🔥

A video posted by Laurie Hernandez (@lauriehernandez_) on

Baby gymnast and Drake stan.

3. MAUREEN MCCORMICK

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Marcia Brady, OG pretty girl.

4. TERRA JOLE

Guess what tomorrow is? The premiere of #littlewomenla #season5 – Who’s tweeting with me? @terrajole 9/8c @lifetimetv

A photo posted by Terra Jol̩ РOFFICIAL (@terrajole) on

Star of Little Women: L.A.

5. MARILU HENNER

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Semi-respected actress who used to wear leotards in movies.

6. VANILLA ICE

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Fuckboy one-hit wonder responsible for “Ice Ice Baby”

7. CALVIN JOHNSON

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Super religious football player.

8. JAKE T. AUSTIN

Getting ready for summer 2016, get ripped with 💪🏽 @booteauk

A photo posted by Jake T. Austin (@jaketaustin) on

Wannabe teen heartthrob, former co-star of Selena Gomez on Wizards of Waverly Place.

9. BABYFACE

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11-time Grammy Award winning producer and artist.

10. JAMES HINCHCLIFFE

Canadian race car driver who will probs/def be voted off first.

11. RICK PERRY

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Failed two-time Republican presidential nominee.

12. RYAN LOCHTE

@poloralphlauren @ralphlauren #usa #riodejaneiro #olympics

A photo posted by Ryanlochte (@ryanlochte) on

Fuckboy and disgraced Olympian.

13. JANA KRAMER

Last day to register win a Concert Getaway with me and a copy of #thirtyone. http://lovepuresilk.com

A photo posted by Jana Kramer (@kramergirl) on

Country artist/mother A.K.A. the woman your conservative suburban mother will henceforth want you to grow up to be.


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