We Got a Celeb Dermatologist to Critique Donald Trump’s Skin
You might have noticed that Donald Trump has a lot of thoughts on the way women look.
And as Racked pointed out yesterday, like a more bloated Buffalo Bill in “Silence of the Lambs,” he is especially obsessed with women’s skin. So we decided to get a professional opinion on his pallor.
First, here are some real gems of wisdom Trump has sharted out about the skin of women he does not know, via Racked :
Jennifer Lawrence: “Jennifer has a little skin problem I would say. A little rough with the skin, I would say. Little polka dots all over the face.”
Bud, those are called pores. You need them to live.
Princess Diana: “She had the height, she had the beauty, she had the skin. She was crazy, but these are minor details.”
Ah, yes! The “all hot women are crazy” line of thinking. That old chestnut.
Angelina Jolie: “She’s got bad skin. She’s got scars all over the skin. I don’t know what is is, I never thought she was good-looking, I don’t think she’s got good skin, I don’t think she has a great face. Her lips are too big, to be honest with you. They’re too big. I don’t think she’s good-looking.”
We’re sure the feeling is mutual.
Because here’s the elephant in the room: Donald Trump’s skin is ghastly. His wrinkles are deeper than butt cracks. His pores are my personal worst nightmare. And he’s also a shade of orange that can only be achieved from one too many Simply Sun Groupons.
But enough of my thoughts on Donald Trump’s rotisserie-chicken-like pallor. I’m not a doctor, so I realize my opinion on this is moot. So I decided to enlist a pro to tell us what’s really up with his skin.
Dr. Nigma Talib has treated Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Kate Bosworth, Penelope Cruz, Jason Statham, and Sienna Miller, and she’s author of “Younger Skin Starts in the Gut.” She takes a holistic approach to skincare and believes that most skin issues are caused by problems with the diet. And according to the map laid out by Trump’s extremely punchable face, his diet, like his views on women and minorities, could use some serious work.
“It looks like Trump had all four faces of aging: dairy, gluten, sugar and wine,” she said.
You can see this through how beat-up and busted each of his individual features looks.
“Trump is milking it with too much dairy — puffy dark bags under the eyes,” Dr. Talib said. “And he also has gluten face: puffy cheeks, which look inflamed; and wine face where he has deepened nasolabial folds and feathery wrinkles.”
Also, he’s orange.
Damn. Donald might want to take care of all this before the election. He wouldn’t want voters to judge him as harshly as he judges literally everyone else in the world, would he?