There’s a New Han Solo: Let’s Gauge His Hotness
The Stars Wars franchise just named a new Han Solo.
His name is Alden Ehrenreich and he beat out some of the hottest guys in Hollywood for the honor of taking on Harrison Ford’s iconic role — but honestly, we’re not quite sure if he’s hot enough to deserve it.
The Han Solo we know and love is rough around the edges, sexy as hell and a total badass — the kind of guy who winds up with a princess because his game is just that good.
How does Alden Ehrenreich compare with that?
Here’s what we know:
Alden Ehrenreich is 26 years old, he graduated from NYU, and he had the good fortune to be discovered at a friend’s bat mitzvah because Steven Spielberg was in the audience and dug a short film that Ehrenreich had made for/with the birthday girl.
Sometimes he looks kinda weird in the films he’s in, like 2016’s Hail Caesar
And sometimes he looks like the kind of guy you thought was hot when you were 16 and didn’t know what good dick felt like yet.
Coincidentally, Alden’s role in Beautiful Creatures has also been his most critically acclaimed to date, earning him a nomination for Nickelodeon’s illustrious Teen Choice Award for Choice Movie Liplock.
Sadly, even by Nickelodeon’s standards, Alden’s smooching ability wasn’t deemed hot enough. Ouch.
Honestly, we have to go with our gut and agree with Nickelodeon on this one. Alden is technically attractive, but his vibe is off. He’s not scruffy or bad-boyish enough to fill a young Harrison Ford’s leather space boots.
Harrison Ford will always be the hotter Han Solo. Even when Alder Ehrenreich is at his best, he looks like a typical hot actor, whereas Harrison Ford looked like a hot construction worker, probs because that’s what he did before he started being an actor. Also, according to my old Russian lit teacher, he was also a badass poker player. See? Hot.
We’re not writing off Alden yet. Thanks to the wonder of hair/makeup/workout regime, he can maybe get close enough.
Also to be fair, Harrison also had the advantage of being a man when the OG Star Wars series came out. He was already 35 whereas Alden is just going to be 28. Maybe seven years from now, Alden will have a little more of that space cowboy vibe about him. But for now, he’s a little too tame-looking. Clearly, this is what you get when Disney is in charge of your franchise reboot.
Sigh, what’s a girl gotta do for a real leading man these days?