Marion Cotillard Actually Responded to Brad Pitt Rumors

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Marion Cotillard is a French girl, so if everything we’ve ever read on trusted sites like Vogue and Cosmopolitan is to be trusted, that means she knows how to do everything better than an American girl.

While this is normally something I instinctively roll my eyes at, in the case of decisively putting an end to the rumor that she broke up Brangelina and is currently carrying Brad Pitt’s baby without losing her chill or class, the age-old wisdom about the superiority of French girls turns out to be true.

Bummer.

Last night Marion Cotillard posted a multilingual rebuttal to the rumor on Instagram (already, so classy) that left people with zero doubt that Marion is just an innocent bystander in the Brexpitt disaster.

“This is going to be my first and only reaction to the whirlwind news that broke 24 hours ago and that I was swept up into. I am not used to commenting on things like this nor taking them seriously but as this situation is spiraling and affecting people I love, I have to speak up. Firstly, many years ago, I met the man of my life, father of our son and of the baby we are expecting. He is my love, my best friend, the only one that I need. Secondly to those who have indicated that I am devastated, I am very well thank you. This crafted conversation isn’t distressing. And to all the media and the haters who are quick to pass judgment, I sincerely wish you a swift recovery. Finally, I do very much wish that Angelina and Brad, both whom I deeply respect, will find peace in this very tumultuous moment. With all my love Marion.”

This is going to be my first and only reaction to the whirlwind news that broke 24 hours ago and that I was swept up into. I am not used to commenting on things like this nor taking them seriously but as this situation is spiraling and affecting people I love, I have to speak up. Firstly, many years ago, I met the man of my life, father of our son and of the baby we are expecting. He is my love, my best friend, the only one that I need. Secondly to those who have indicated that I am devastated, I am very well thank you. This crafted conversation isn’t distressing. And to all the media and the haters who are quick to pass judgment, I sincerely wish you a swift recovery. Finally, I do very much wish that Angelina and Brad, both whom I deeply respect, will find peace in this very tumultuous moment. With all my love Marion Ceci sera la première et seule réaction que j’aurai concernant la déferlante inouïe qui à commencé il y a de ça 24 heures et à laquelle je suis mêlée malgré moi. Je n’ai pas pour habitude de commenter ni de prendre au sérieux le tas d’absurdités déversées à mon sujet mais la situation prenant une telle tournure et affectant des gens que j’aime, je me dois de m’exprimer. Pour commencer, j’ai rencontré il y a quelques années l’homme de ma vie , le père de notre fils et du bébé que nous attendons aujourd’hui. Il est mon amour, mon meilleur ami et le seul homme dont j’ai besoin. Ensuite, à ceux qui me prétendent dévastée, je vais très bien merci. Ce genre d’inventions aberrantes ne m’affecte en aucun cas. Et pour finir, à la “presse”, à tous les haters, trolls et consorts qui ont le jugement si rapide je vous souhaite sincèrement… un prompt rétablissement. Ceci dit et un peu plus sérieusement, je souhaite à Angelina et Brad, deux personnes pour qui j’ai un profond respect, de trouver la paix dans ce moment tumultueux. Avec tout mon amour. Marion

A photo posted by @marioncotillard on

Why she chose to use an artsy photo of a bird soaring in the sky instead of a selfie of her “tsk tsking” us for being such easily manipulated idiots will forever remain a mystery to me, but hey, maybe that’s why Marion Cotillard is a classy French girl and I’m just a tasteless American.

Amen.

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