Khloé Kardashian Accurately Compares Kris Jenner To Jesus Christ

In the wake of the devastating news that “Kocktails With Khloé” was canceled, it was hard to watch the most recent episode which aired last night.

Sike. Actually, it was really easy to watch because during the episode Khloé compared her mother to Jesus Christ, which is everything we didn’t know we ever wanted to hear.

While reminiscing about the harsh struggles of her youth, Khloé reminded us all that there was a time when “no real manager or agent” would touch her or her sisters with a ten foot pole.

“They’d be like, what the f*ck do you guys do?”

Yeah, what did they do? Well, they prayed to their patron saint/momager who “kind of turned water into wine,” as Khloé put it, and ended up making her daughters the most famous women alive. 

Yes, Kris Jenner, turning water (un-famous daughters) into wine (famous daughters) just like Jesus did, since ’06. Or probably earlier! We’ve seen the tapes.

BTW, the similarities between Kris and Jesus don’t end there. Kris is also the cofounder of her own church. Glory be!


Portrait of a Young Jesus looking tastefully sexy while contemplating all the miracles she would perform in the future.

Khloé did reveal however that unlike Jesus Christ, Kris doesn’t have the ability to perform miracles with the power invested in her from on high, so she made all the girls wake up at 7 a.m. even “on weekends” and in “the summer.”

Meanwhile Rob got to do whatever he wanted, and we’ve all seen how well that turned out.

So there you go. Kris Jenner is the modern day Jesus and all is right with the world. Well, besides the fact that “Kocktails With Khloé is canceled. We’re still upset about that one.

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