Halsey Had a Miscarriage & Then Immediately Had To Perform
Indie musician Halsey revealed in an interview with Rolling Stone that last year she had a miscarriage while on tour, and felt like she had no choice butÂ to go onstage and perform a few hours later.
When she first found out she was pregnant, Halsey says she felt conflicted.
Although she wanted â€œto be a mom more than I want to be a pop star,” she found herself wondering, â€œWhat happens? Do I lose my record deal? Do I lose everything? Or do I keep [the pregnancy]? What are my fans going to think? What are the moms going to think? What is the Midwest going to think? Whatâ€™s fucking everyone going to think?â€
Although she eventually decided not to terminate her pregnancy, her body had other plans and one day Halsey found herself, â€œscreaming on a hotel bed, bloody, naked from the waist down.â€
She had miscarried, and to make matters worse, she was due to perform in just a few hours.
â€œIâ€™m like, â€˜I have to cancel this show!â€™ And everyoneâ€™s kind of like, â€˜Well itâ€™s Vevo LIFT, and itâ€™s 3 million impressions, so…â€™ No one knew what to do.â€
Although ultimately nobody forced her to do the show, Halsey felt like she didnâ€™t have a choice.
One adult diaper and two Percocets later, she went to the venue and bravely went forward with the show as planned.
â€œIt was the angriest performance that Iâ€™ve ever done in my life,” Halsey recalls. â€œI beat myself up for it, because I think that the reason it happened is just the lifestyle I was living. I wasnâ€™t drinking. I wasnâ€™t doing drugs. I was fucking overworked â€” in the hospital every couple of weeks because I was dehydrated, needing bags of IVs brought to my greenroom. I was anemic, I was fainting. My body just broke the fuck down.â€
While it must have felt good to get that off her chest, Halsey is far from over any of it.
â€œIf I actually let myself feel and process and understand everything thatâ€™s happened to me in the past two years,” she said, “I would fucking combust.â€
Then sheÂ ended the interview by saying, â€œI hope I wasnâ€™t awful today,â€ which might just be the most heartbreaking detail of them all.
[H/TÂ Rolling Stone]