Halsey Had a Miscarriage & Then Immediately Had To Perform
Indie musician Halsey revealed in an interview with Rolling Stone that last year she had a miscarriage while on tour, and felt like she had no choice but to go onstage and perform a few hours later.
When she first found out she was pregnant, Halsey says she felt conflicted.
Although she wanted “to be a mom more than I want to be a pop star,” she found herself wondering, “What happens? Do I lose my record deal? Do I lose everything? Or do I keep [the pregnancy]? What are my fans going to think? What are the moms going to think? What is the Midwest going to think? What’s fucking everyone going to think?”
Although she eventually decided not to terminate her pregnancy, her body had other plans and one day Halsey found herself, “screaming on a hotel bed, bloody, naked from the waist down.”
She had miscarried, and to make matters worse, she was due to perform in just a few hours.
“I’m like, ‘I have to cancel this show!’ And everyone’s kind of like, ‘Well it’s Vevo LIFT, and it’s 3 million impressions, so…’ No one knew what to do.”
Although ultimately nobody forced her to do the show, Halsey felt like she didn’t have a choice.
One adult diaper and two Percocets later, she went to the venue and bravely went forward with the show as planned.
“It was the angriest performance that I’ve ever done in my life,” Halsey recalls. “I beat myself up for it, because I think that the reason it happened is just the lifestyle I was living. I wasn’t drinking. I wasn’t doing drugs. I was fucking overworked — in the hospital every couple of weeks because I was dehydrated, needing bags of IVs brought to my greenroom. I was anemic, I was fainting. My body just broke the fuck down.”
While it must have felt good to get that off her chest, Halsey is far from over any of it.
“If I actually let myself feel and process and understand everything that’s happened to me in the past two years,” she said, “I would fucking combust.”
Then she ended the interview by saying, “I hope I wasn’t awful today,” which might just be the most heartbreaking detail of them all.
[H/T Rolling Stone]