The Bumble red flags that you should always swipe left on
Ladies, I think we can all agree that there are certain Bumble profiles that are meant to be swiped left on.
If you’re on the app long enough, you start to notice certain profile themes that just don’t sit quite right with you, so you swipe left.
I was talking to one of my friends the other day about the Bumble culture, and how some dudes just seem to really be missing the ball on a good profile. I find myself rarely swiping right, and it’s mainly because they all make the same profile/bio no-no’s.
This led me to ask the women in my life about what sort of profiles turn them away, and the answers were almost always the same. I put together a list so that you all know what to look out for next time you’re swiping. Don’t make the same mistakes that we have. All of these themes are red flags.
1. Shirtless photo
Why did you make a shirtless mirror selfie your main photo? These dudes always turn out loving vanilla protein powder more than sex with you. Next.
Just use Raya and let us plebs swipe in peace, okay? No one wants to be denied by a main character on “Riverdale.” It’s just not right.
When the profile is named “hair,” and the bio says that they offer 50% off for anyone who found them on Bumble. Um, no thanks, I’ll stick to the colorist I have. At least they’re trying to hustle, though?
4. High schooler??!?
When your age range is set at 25-35 and you somehow still get the occasional 18-year-old, just swipe left. Someone clearly lied on their Facebook page.
5. Guy with the word “woke” in their bio
You know him. The guy who is “super sensitive,” and “cares about recycling,” and has a BLM pin on their backpack. They are 100% never even close to being “woke,” and probably say the n-word when they rap along to Nicki.
6. Pretty boy
The consensus on pretty boys is that they are probably a catfish. Probably in your best interest to steer clear. Especially when the photos seem a little *too* edited.
7. The CEO
You never get the CEO of a legitimate company. It’s always like, “CEO, have been working on this app that everyone’s going to love and here’s the link to my GoFundMe.” Just call yourself a start-up and be real.
8. The no-face
The one guy who has his face covered/obscured/hidden in all six photos. Yes, he used up all six photos, just to not show you what the fuck he even looks like.
9. The model
Like, really? Is this even necessary? The models on Bumble remind me of the male model Carrie has a sleepover with in “Sex and the City.” Most of us just cannot take these profiles seriously.
10. Send nudes?
I don’t even have to explain this one because we’ve all been through it. He always asks for nudes on the first reply, and if you ask him what he likes to do for fun, he’ll send over seven dick pics.
11. The SoundCloud artist
He’s probably only on Bumble to get more listens on his SoundCloud link, so it’s probably best to just swipe left on this one. His music is pretty shit, anyway.
12. Photos with girls
Now this is one that I didn’t see as often, because maybe men are being warned. All of my friends said they hate it when a guy has more than one photo with another girl. Which totally makes sense. I saw this one guy who had all six photos of him with the same girl. Is that his boo? Are they looking for a threesome? Maybe it’s his sister? I’ll never know because I swiped left.
13. Old guy
Getting an older guy is totally fine if your age range includes him, but if your range stops at 25 and you get a clear 40-year-old, something is off. You don’t want to swipe right on a balding man who is posing as half his actual age. Doesn’t seem like a good start to a Bumble match.
14. Mr. Size Requirement
This one takes the cake in my book. A lot of dudes will have size/appearance requirements in their bio. One read, “only looking for skinny girls.” A douchebag in LA only seeking skinny girls? What a shocker. It’s especially important to note than any dude who chooses what someone looks like over who they actually are is total trash.