Britney Spears Has A Game Now, And We Can’t Stop Playing It
Good news! If you love Britney Spears and can’t go 5 minutes without checking your cell phone, then you’ll love Britney’s new mobile game titled “Britney Spears: American Dream.”
Basically, it’s just like Kylie, Kendall, and Kim’s mobile games, but with Britney, bitch.
Sorry… I couldn’t help myself.
Anyway, if you’ve lost countless hours of your life playing any of those games, then you’re already addicted to this Britney Spears game.
And I would know, because I’ve been playing the game religiously over the past week.
Just in case you’re not already hooked, here’s my insider scoop.
“Britney Spears: American Dream” is about exactly what you’d expect. Namely, living the American Dream, which in the context of the game exclusively relates to becoming a mega pop star like Britney, albeit without the whole shaved head, vagina flashing, K Fed phase.
And as with all games, it starts with you choosing an avatar to best represent the fantasy pop star you would be in real life if you had the talent/bone structure.
After much deliberation, I chose Astrid Kissinger, who just like me, has brown hair and loves the color green, and who unlike me, has what appears to be a Victoria Secret Fashion Show ready body.
Confusingly, the game starts in the future. You’re onstage with Britney, who looks to die for, and she asks you if you can remember back to when the two of your first met in L.A.
The good news? Unlike most aspiring singers, it looks like you actually do achieve your dreams someday.
The bad news? You’re going to have to play the game for countless hours in order to get there.
And just like that, the game begins.
Your best friend Sara Williams is at Starbeans (lol), and she calls to tell you Britney Spears just came in.
Long story short, Sara convinces you to get up onstage and sing in front of Britney, which sounds like a stupid idea, but it actually works. Sara looks like a basic bitch, but she’s a really good friend.
Britney is dying over how talented you are, so she offers to set you up with her manager, who you know must be good at her job because she calls you all.the.time.
Like it would be annoying, only it’s not because every time she calls you your bank account grows.
And just like that, the foundation for your career is set.
You even have your own nemesis right away named Aston Kole, who has way better style, clothing, and hair than you do.
She’s also a serious bitch.
While the game doesn’t offer you a lot of exciting wardrobe options…
… you do get to have a lot of control over your music.
For instance, you get to create your own songs, choosing everything from the genre (jazzy, crunk, trap, party, etc.), to the song titles, to the album artwork.
You can try to spend 15 minutes in an attempt to make your album cover look great, but you don’t have a lot of material to work with.
Here’s what all 3 of my, I mean, Astrid’s singles look like.
Artsy, right?
But mostly, you just have to deal with a lot of drama — it’s exhausting.
You also have zero time to relax… or date.
Not that dating is that appealing in a game where the guys all look like an army of clones who were made from the most boring guy possible. Like this is a random, but highly accurate example of the kind of guy who is available to you.
Yes, that’s a man vest, a man scarf, and a man v-neck.
So TBH, I recommend you play the game as a lesbian.
This is Astrid’s current girlfriend. I can’t remember her name, but I think it’s Anne. Or Ashley.
She’s kind of a bitch and told Astrid she had to change before they went on their first date, but she has 98.1k fans. She’s just Astrid’s best option right now.
Plus, if they break up, maybe Anne or Ashley will agree to be a drummer in Astrid’s touring band. Badass female drummers are so cool, and who doesn’t love the drama of a No Doubt-style situation?
Anyway, long story short, this game has its flaws, but you will enjoy playing it.
Promise.
Download the Britney Spears Game via the iTunes App Store.
