Obama Swears He’s Capable of Eating More Than 7 Almonds At a Time

On Saturday, July 2, I received a disturbing push notification from The New York Times, one of the most respected names in journalism.

“After dark, President Obama spends hours alone, time he says is essential to think, write and have a snack – exactly 7 almonds.”

Immediately, I found myself thrown into a rage, and couldn’t help but turn to my boyfriend and exclaim, “Damn, what a motherfucking skinny bitch!”


A photo posted by Maria Pasquini (@squeenz) on

While Obama didn’t sit down for an interview for that specific NY Times feature, this valuable intel came from “his friends.”

“To stay awake, the president does not turn to caffeine. He rarely drinks coffee or tea, and more often has a bottle of water next to him than a soda. His friends say his only snack at night is seven lightly salted almonds.”

But as it turns out, the whole thing was just the big type of misunderstanding that’s more commonly referred to as a joke.

Obama isn’t the kind of skinny bitch who only allows himself seven almonds a day as a snack. His so-called friends just made a joke that the Times misinterpreted as a fact.

In an interview with the Today show, Obama explained, “All my friends were calling me up and saying this seems a little anal, this is a little weird, and I had to explain to them, no, this was a joke,” adding, “I am so glad I had this opportunity, because this has been really weighing on me.”

Me too, Barack.

Me too.

I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself and not giving into the skinny bitch mentality.

[H/T Jezebel]

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