7 signs guys secretly just want to date each other

The “cool girl” speech from Gone Girl touched every girl’s heart and even inspired a song by Tove Lo. Amy Schumer’s “Chicks Who Can Hang” skit was relatable af (linked at bottom of post).

Why? Because every girl knows the realness of dudes being obsessed with girls that are “cool.” But what is cool? In most cases, it’s acting exactly like a dude, all while being “hot.”

I mean, if girls were supposed to act like dudes, we’d have dicks? But dudes would probably like that too. Honestly, we think guys secretly just want to date each other. I mean, just look at all the signs…

1. They Love Girls With Dude Names

When I was a child, I always thought I’d be way cooler if instead of “Ashley,” I was “Alex” or “Sam.” Why? Because girls with traditionally male names like that always had guys chasing them. After all, what better way to show a dude you can hang than having a name like “Dillon” or “Devin” that’ll fit right in?

2. They Love Girls Who Can Squirt

Why are guys so fucking obsessed with squirting when they simultaneously complain that pussies are dirty and smell bad? Hmm… maybe because it reminds them of male ejaculate?

3. They Love Girls Who Can Eat & Drink… But Only If They Stay In Shape

Guys literally get boners at the simple thought of a hot girl eating a burger or drinking a beer. I mean, where do you think Carl’s Jr. got the idea for their infamous Super Bowl commercials?

Unfortunately most of the girls that dudes lust over can literally eat none of that shit in order to maintain their “perfect” bodies. But do you know who has a way faster metabolism and can get away with throwing back a few orders of Taco Bell a week without getting love handles? A guy!

4. They All Want To Have Anal

Sure, the ass is allegedly “tighter” and all. But did you know that the vagina was actually made to be fucked and the ass isn’t? Moreover, did you know that men and women both have buttholes? So you know, if you want to stick your P in a B, you can always just round up your latest bromance and have at it instead of making a girl deal with it.

5. They Love When Girls Are “All Natural”

One amazing Amy Schumer video illustrates this concept perfectly, but regardless, guys love to hate on girls who wear makeup and claim that they want a girl who’s natural. The only problem is, when you actually go all natural you get asked if you’re sick or if you’re “okay.” Hey guys, if you want someone who doesn’t feel pressure from society to wear makeup every day, maybe you should date a dude?

6. They Love When Girls Wear Their Clothing

If a guy doesn’t get to have the pleasure of seeing a girl in his sweatshirt after spending the night together, the next best thing is seeing a girl who is “so chill” that she’s rocking sweatpants or an oversized tee. V suspect.

7. They Love Girls Who Love Sports

A girl who likes girly things like going shopping and gossiping about the Kardashians? Gross. Dudes would much rather date a girl who likes to watch football, chow on nachos, and occasionally have burping contests. That’s hot! Instead of searching for a girl on Tinder with all those qualities though, they should just turn to their fraternity brother or Intramural soccer teammate. They’d have way more luck!

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