6 Guys Worthy of Being Mariah Carey’s Rebound
In case you haven’t heard, Mariah Carey and her billionaire fiancé just broke up.
Maybe it was because he was violent, maybe it was because he couldn’t handle her extravagant lifestyle, or maybe it’s just because he didn’t like the edit he was getting on Mariah’s new reality show.
Whatever the reason, the relationship is dunzo so it’s time for her to get back up on the horse and get that hot, steamy rebound sex she deserves.
Here’s six guys we think would be perfect for the job.
1. Fabio
Fabio’s kind of ridiculous, but if you think about it, so is Mariah Carey.
He’s foreign, he’s a sex symbol, and he’s into the idea of getting married, so you know he’ll be down to play boyfriend until Mariah decides she’s had enough of him and moves on to the next one.
2. Prince Philippos of Greece and Denmark
HE’S A LITERAL PRINCE?
How fun would it be to say you rebounded with royalty?
Plus he’s allegedly super camera shy so you know he’d be discreet.
3. Donald Glover
Mariah Carey needs a man who can make her laugh, but doesn’t look like one of those homely comedians whose face got run over by a vacuum cleaner immediately after popping out of his mother’s vagina.
Plus at 33 he’s old enough to be considered a man, but young enough where he’s probably masturbated to her when she was younger, which is probably half of what made Nick Cannon so appealing to Mariah in the first place.
4. Ken from Survivor
Yes, Survivor is still on the air, and this season has given America the gift of Ken.
He’s a model, he’s kind of nice, kind of boring, and he’s still on the road to winning a million dollars before taxes.
5. Finn Wittrock
You may know him as a psychopathic clown from American Horror Story, but c’mon, look at that face.
Does that not look like the face any girl in her right, or drunk AF mind would want to fuck?
6. Michael B. Jordan
He’s kind of young for Mariah, but those abs girl?
Yum.
