It’s Time to Stop Judging Girls for ‘Slutty’ Halloween Costumes

We all know slut shaming is wrong, but somehow we forget that on Halloween.

Usually, you can’t or shouldn’t comment on what a woman chooses to wear or not wear. But in October, you can spend a whole month chastising some alleged harlot that dares to dress up as a “sexy” version of *insert childhood/nerd favorite here*, because if you dress up as a “sexy” version of whatever, you’re a whore, disrespectful and dumb. You’re a disrespectful, dumb whore. How do you live with yourself?

How is a girl wearing a Pikachu mini dress, ears, and go-go boots affecting you, let alone a bad thing? It’s not like she’s forcing you and your children to motorboat her before she gives them candy. Although that would be weirdly hilarious, can someone start an urban legend about the mom who would trade candy for “candy” to the older trick-or-treaters and parents in the neighborhood and could “Panama” by Van Halen be the permanent soundtrack?

My brain is a frightening place. Christ almighty, I just wrote the plot to the next teen-centric movie. I will be taking bids for my creative genius and please remember, I may be cheap — but I’m anything but easy.

Anyway, is it that wrong that a girl wants to dress up moderately scandalous one night a year and have fun? One Goddamn night a year we can be kids again, be silly and if we want to wear kids’ clothing, is it a bad thing? Christ, Colt Cabana gets to prance around in tight adult sized baby overalls in a wrestling ring, and no one yells at him for disrespecting the sanctity of the squared circle and baby attire. Call me, sugar tits.

Anyways, what was I saying? Oh yeah, baby clothes. I have a kid’s size Patriots jersey, and it fits my ass. It was cheaper than the real thing, so what’s the problem? Granted I don’t wear it anymore since my choice of player is no longer with the team and will be spending the rest of his life behind bars. Shouldn’t we be more concerned with my taste in men and less about what department the jersey I bought was found it in?

Now in the world, we live in, we’re supposed to raise our girls to be comfy in their skin. We’re taught not to judge people based on their appearances, but if she’s wearing a tiny costume that leaves little to no secrets to be kept about every crevice of her body, she’s trash. We fly off the handle and complain about their costume and how dare they not stick to the original design.

So I have a question for all you crybabies, how does this have a negative impact on you? Is your life that boring and sad? If anything, we should all be so confident with our appearance (and have more important issues and activities to be concerned with), that we shouldn’t have time to care what someone else wears. I mean, do you honestly think your Scarlet Letter Sally cares what you think? Homegirl is happy and having fun, which you don’t seem to be doing. So if anything, she’s having a better night than you are. So who’s the asshole now? Oh and if anything, you should be thanking her for the eye candy and creativity.

Now don’t be a creep about it when you look at her, but there’s nothing wrong with appreciating the human form. It’s just funny; we want women and girls to be comfy in their skin, as long as it fits whenever weird rules and restrictions we see fit at that moment. Can you smell the hypocrisy in the air this crisp fall day?

Screaming foul on the hypocrisy comment? Well, look at it this way. If you saw a plus size girl in a Harley Quinn costume (any incarnation of the character — from Harlequin Harley to booty shorts Hollywood Harley), you would say she was an inspiration and talk about how “brave” she is and whatever PC bullshit you could come up. But the woman with the traditionally celebrated figure is an asshole for showing so much skin and taking artistic liberties with her costume.

Another question for you, why don’t you freak out at men who dress as female characters for Halloween? I mean, if there was ever a prime example of fucking with the original concept and design of a character, if would be that. But instead you high-five him for his subversive creativity, and you laugh. Now, why is it funny? Is it funny knowing that women are considered to have a lower status than men in the world and the idea of a man stooping to that level is just so hilarious and hard to wrap your head around?

Try living it all the time. You wouldn’t be laughing, and I’d like to think you’d have more important things to worry about than the authenticity of some 30-year old’s Mal “Firefly” costume. But I’ve been wrong before. Happy Halloween, Hepatitis Harry.

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