Surf and Soul Band Palmas Dish Their Best Dating App Advice
Everyone knows that the dating world can be hella confusing and overwhelming these days — so much so, that you may end up deleting your apps and hiding in the corner vowing to never date ever again.
Enter your new fave hot dude band: Palmas, which is made up of five talented guys from Philly and NYC who mix The Beach Boys and classic retro sounds like Nancy Sinatra to make sweet, sweet grooves for your ears. With Kurt Cain-Walther on vocals/organ, Matthew Young and Adam Cantiello on guitars, Eric Camarota on bass and Pat Degan on drums — these dudes are here for both your music needs, and to give you some exclusive straight-from-a-hot-dude’s-mouth dating advice.
Below you’ll find authentic advice from the single-and-ready-to mingle Eric, who is Palmas’ resident dating app expert; and the newly engaged Kurt. So crawl your ass out of that corner and read about what the guys have to say about landing yourself a boyfriend, and navigating the ever-mystifying world of modern day dating.
Have you tried any of the dating apps out there? Do you think it’s cool for a girl to message the guy first? What are some things she should say or shouldn’t say?
Eric: You know, I’m laughing as I type this. Yes, I have tried Tinder as well as Bumble. I don’t think that there is anything wrong with a girl messaging a guy first. Some people are genuinely more outgoing than others. I think it just all comes down to personal opinion and what they’re into. For instance, I’m not a huge fan of girls calling me “dude” or “man”. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t give them a shot, it’s just something that irks me personally!
Kurt: Funny enough, I met my now fiancée on OKCupid. This was before Tinder and all those fast food dating sites were out there. There was a time when I felt weird about telling people that’s how we met, but then I felt silly thinking that. It’s just a part of our crazy adventure now and I’m proud of that. She messaged me first. I don’t think it’s strange at all. But then again, I grew up in an extremely forward thinking, female dominated family. My MOMS (that’s right, MOMS plural) taught my sisters and me that women can, and should, do anything men can do. That includes asking your love interest out on a date. It’s 2016! Let’s get with the times. I don’t think there is a right or wrong thing to say in this moment. Being yourself is important and being laid back is important. No one wants to be verbally harassed on the internet. Be casual and be respectful. A sense of humor is always a plus
What are some things you would consider to be a major turn off on a first date?
Eric: I think it’s safe to say, if a girl farted and thought that there was cool… I’d call it a night real fast hahaha. I’m pretty laid back, so not too much else would really turn me off except maybe excessive talk about an ex? Never a good sign.
Kurt: I think this is different for everyone but, for me, the number one thing would be poor hygiene. A first date is your chance to make a great first impression. So maybe hop in the shower beforehand?
Have any of you ever been on a blind-date or been set up on a date by a friend?
Eric: Actually, no. I’m pretty picky when it comes to what I look for in a woman and I’m not so sure I’d place “blind date” trust in my friends. Plus, with social media being so readily available, I don’t think there are many people who don’t at least check to see what the other person might look like. haha
Kurt: I’m not sure there is such thing as a true blind date any more. You’d have to try really hard not to look someone up beforehand. When I was really young and had just started dating, I went on a couple blind dates that had been set up through mutual friends. I’d like to think they went pretty well. At the time, I was just stoked to be out on a date haha.
Have any of you ever used your music to convince a girl to go out with you?
Eric: This question makes me laugh… I wouldn’t say “convinced” would be the word. I’ve shown girls my band in early conversation, it’s something I’m proud of so I don’t mind showing it off. Now, whether it’s a positive or negative — really depends on the girls perception of a “guy in a band.” Believe it or not, it’s NOT always a positive.
Kurt: This question is hilarious. It would take a special kind of guy to think that he could use only his musical abilities to hypnotize some poor girl into dating him. The bottom line here is that people are attracted to each other because they have similar interests. I’m sure I have dated girls who have been interested in me because of music. On the other hand, me being in a band has worked against me as well. It’s not easy maintaining a healthy relationship and being a full time musician, unless you are Adam Levine or Usher or something. I’m sure it helps to be them.
It doesn’t seem common for guys to go up to girls at bars, or anywhere else really, to ask them out anymore. What would it take for you to ask a girl out that you saw while out at the bars or a nightclub?
Eric: Personally, I would need to notice a girl with a really good personality that’s somehow being shown through her actions that night. I’m not a fan of the extreme extrovert type — the ones who need to be super loud and outgoing to get attention. But oddly enough, if i see a girl eating a meal out at a bar (not obnoxiously) and isn’t afraid to show that she’s hungry in front of other humans that may or may not be judging…. now that is awesome, but I could just be weird.
Kurt: I am constantly hearing about how girls HATE when they go out and constantly are bombarded by single guys trying to buy them drinks etc. My honest opinion is that guys are afraid. They are afraid of how to act and speak and portray themselves. I think a lot of people are unsure of how to be in these scenarios, guys and girls. It’s a weird world we live in. When I was single, I had a rule to never meet a girl at a bar and never go on a first date at a bar. It was just a personal rule but IMO you learn more interesting things about a person in a more interesting setting.
What do you think of girls who approach guys to ask them out?
Eric: I don’t think there is anything wrong with that at all. More power to ya!
Kurt: I think girls should ask guys out. I wouldn’t want to be with a girl who thought it was weird or inappropriate for a girl to do something like that. Chivalry isn’t dead, it’s just bisexual now. Just be kind and cool, and it doesn’t matter who does the asking out.
Where would you say is the best place to meet girls or for girls to meet guys?
Eric: In my opinion, whether you are out at a bar or using an online dating app, the first thing that draws you to a person is usually physical attraction.There’s obviously personal pros and cons to both you could weigh out, example: Nothing to hide behind when you’re at the bar; or maybe you’re too shy in person and need that first interaction to be over text and that works best for you. I’ve met some really awesome people from doing both, so I can’t really say one is better than the other!
Kurt: I couldn’t tell you what the best place to meet a girl is. You could literally meet anyone anywhere, I think the best idea is to always be aware that you have opportunities all around you constantly. Pull your head out of your Pokemon app and you might realize that a cute guy or girl is staring at you. Make a move!
What are the qualities you look for in a girl in your decision to get wifed up?
Eric: We are really going down the rabbit hole now… haha. I’d have to say it’s some pretty simple qualities. I 100% need love (that one is pretty obvious), respect, honesty, loyalty and a good sense of humor. I need a girl who’s down to earth, not materialistic and instead wants to always keep bettering herself and pushing loved ones to do the same. Then I’ll gladly enter the “put a ring on it” zone.
Kurt: Well, this question is pretty appropriate for me at the moment. I recently popped the question to my fiancé, Amy. I had been single for 4 or 5 years before meeting her. When we met, she fascinated me in every way. Her mannerisms, her interests, her style, her wit, her smile, I could literally go on and on… We had so many similar interests and yet so much to learn from each other. It’s hard not to sound super cheesy talking about all of this. The cliché holds true that when you finally stop looking, you will find what you are looking for. I don’t remember exactly when the moment was, early on I’m sure, but I knew I had to “wife her up”.
Photo by Sarah Kunst