John Stamos Says His Signature Sex Move Is the ‘Stamos Straddler’
John Stamos recently told E! News that his signature sex move is the “Stamos Straddler,” and now all there’s left to do in life is go through photos of John Stamos and try and figure out what that could possibly mean.
He gave E! the good news right after dispelling rumors that he might be single. He mentioned he was “happily dating” during an appearance on the “Kyle and Jackie O. Show” recently, but wouldn’t drop any names directly.
“I like a good cuddle,” John Stamos also said. “That’s where I really excel.”
Interesting, but goddammit, Stamos, just WHAT is the “Straddler?”
Since the saying goes, “if you can’t beat ’em, join em,” and since I can’t f*ck John Stamos, join me instead on a journey through old photographs of a person whose lexicon champions phrases like “signature sex move” and words like “straddler.” Check them out below.
1. Pre-“Stamos Straddler” Times
Then again, considering how hard he’s eye-fucking the camera, it’d be reasonable to assume that this was the era in which he established, err, himself.
2. He’s Not That Sexy When He Looks Like He’s Giving A TED Talk
But I’m willing to admit that’s subjective.
3. He Also Has A Signature Belly Button, Apparently
4. Imagine What He’d Look Like Post-“Stamos Straddler.”
I didn’t make that, BTW. I found that online. Someone else made that.
5. Then I learned John Stamos is a Leo
And now it all kind of makes sense.