How To Talk Dirty In French
The only thing sexier than a fresh baguette and some smelly gooey cheese is a French boy who will feed them both to you while nakedÂ in a beret, right?
The problem is that French people are notoriously snobby towards Americans, so much so that half the time, they’d rather pretend they don’t know English than talk to us.
Never fear, we’re here to teach you all the French you’ll need to know to seduce the cute Parisian boy at the bistro or to coerce two French dudes to Eiffel Tower you!
1.Â Je peux faire une bonne pipe
Pronunciation: Jhe puh fair oon bone peep
Translation: I give good head
If you got it, flaunt it. It’s a well known fact that the girls who love giving head are the ones that are the bestÂ at it. What better way to convince a hot French dude to go home with you than to brag about how good you are with that d?
2.Â Je veux te baiser
Pronunciation: Jhe vuh tuh bay-say
Translation: I want to sleep with youÂ
Sometimes it’s easier to stick with the basics, especially when you’re speaking a foreign language. There’s no way you can screw this one up. Even if you do, I’m sure some well-placedÂ hand motions will get the point across.
3. Tu m’excites
Pronunciation: Too mex-eet
Translation: You turn me on
Amid endless cigarettes and bites of frites, you may want to tell your lover how excited you are getting. I mean, who doesn’t get a little wet at the site of endless french fries?
4.Â Avez vous une capote?
Pronunciation: Ah-vay voo oon ca-pote?
Translation: Do you have a condom?
Because you do not want little French babies running around after your one month study abroad trip to Paris. If he asks you if you’re on the pill, just pretend you can’t understand and keep asking this phrase over and over again until he gets the point.
5. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?
Pronunciation: Voo-lay-voo coo-shay a-vec mwa?
Translation: Do you want to sleep with me?
If you’re worried about butchering the pronunciation of any of the above phrases, there’s always this classic. If you’re feeling bold, you can channel Christina Aguilera‘s blonde afro from this era, or at least sing-song the phrase when you’re casually asking said French guy to sleep with you.