Here’s A Bitchy Astrological Gift Guide

The only thing worse than hanging with your family over the holidays? Buying people gifts! There’s never really enough time to prepare for the shit show shopping sprees that comes with the holiday season. No worries however, because we’ve got you covered—the easiest way to get your homies the perfect gifts? Refer to the astrology gods. From the sweetest scents to the sultriest of bathrobes, here’s what every girl wants for Christmas.

1. Agent Provocateur Inka Thong 2. Mason Pearson Pink Bristle Brush 3. Chanel Rouge Allure Intense Long-Wear Lip Colour in 104 (Passion)

Sexy gifts only, please! Aries are full of fire, so your spice-y lady friend needs some lingerie to truly be feeling herself. This red lace Agent Provocateur thong with gold chains will be adored by any Aries woman. She’s always looking to rev up her sex engine, and this is the perfect item to help a sister out. Did you know Aries rule the head? Yeah, they’re smart and hot! This Mason Pearson Bristle Brush will make her feel like a beautiful goddess, and she’ll love the pink color way.

1. Maison Martin Margiela ‘Replica’ Beach Walk 2. Commes Des Garcons Wallet Zipped Purse 3. La Perla Merveille Night Robe

Venus-ruled Taurus women love to smell good, but only if they’re using the highest quality of perfumes. Maison Martin Margiela’s Beach Walk fragrance is the perfect compliment to her laid back nature. But calm one minute, crazy the next! #amiright? Set any raging bull back on their zen track with a neutral accessory. This Commes Des Garcons wallet is an ideal present for a woman as classy as she is. Don’t forget how sensual she is either. Anything to make her feel ravishing in the bedroom might inspire her to give a little something back this holiday season.

1. Everlane Shorthand Stationary 2. Prada Heritage Sunglasses 3. Acne Bess Leather Chelsea Boots

Your Gemini has better taste than you, and it’s time you admit that to yourself. Shopping for a Gemini who knows everything and probably has everything is not an easy thing, but you’ve got it! A pair of Prada Heritage Sunglasses or the newest style of Acne’s infamous chelsea boots are a fashionista’s dream come true. Gemini’s really to like to learn, so she probably has a million notebooks full of unnecessary knowledge. A chic stationary set for the nerd with a love of writing is your most thoughtful gift option.

1. J.O.A. Melina Plaid Coat 2. Loro Piana Inglese Cashmere Hat 3. Nars Oran Candle

Cancer is the zodiac’s domestic goddess, so she’ll need just the thing to stay warm—whether she’s lounging at home, or heading out for a drink at an intimate wine bar with a good friend, she’ll love to stay cozy with Loro Piana Inglese’s Cashmere Hat and J.O.A’s Melina Plaid Coat. Or, if you know there’s no chance of getting your Cancer cutie out the house this winter, keep her happiness burning bright with the beautiful Nars Oran Candle. With gifts like these, how could she complain?

1. Hermes Paddock Silk Twill Scarf 2. Tom Ford Eye Defining Liquid Liner Pen 3. Revolve Clothing Geo Sequin Halter Dress

Leo ladies love nothing more than the world watching their every move—and why wouldn’t they? Everything a Leo does is loved far and wide. Now, give back to the lioness in your life by helping her prepare for her close-up. Tom Ford’s Liquid Liner Pen works perfectly for this larger-than life diva. The Hermes Paddok Silk Twill Scarf will fit perfectly into this leading lady’s daytime wardrobe and Revolve’s Geo Sequin Halter Dress is her go-to for holiday fiestas.

Virgo women are the ultimate perfectionists, who can also be your most fun friend—with some coaxing. Help take the virginal out of the Virgo with Iro Ashville’s Moto Jacket, and then make her feel comfortable by offering up the basics. RGB Nail Color is the perfect shade for any winter event she (or you!) might be attending. Virgos love staying mentally stimulated, so give her the perfect sweater for a museum trip or a day at the library! This Alexander Wang Cashwool Knit Sweater will do the trick.

1. Supima Cotton Sleep Set 2. Converse Chuc Taylor All Star in Kelly Green 3. Fendi Bag Bug

Libras are elegant with the right amount of edge. She’s down to earth, well-balanced, and looking for the ultimate pajama set. Supima’s Cotton Sleep Set will send her into the coziest of dreams, and she’ll probably wear it during her favorite activity—Netflix + Chill. Libras set trends and love color. She’s one of the few women who can rock a bright colored pair of Converse, and she’ll appreciate you recognizing that. Oh, Libras love cute things. A fun keychain, preferably Fendi, will brighten her mood and put a smile on that pretty little face of hers.

1. Sam Edelman Amber Over The Knee Boot 2. Givenchy Antigona Small Leather Satchel Bag 3. Victoria’s Secret Lace-top Thigh High

Scorpios are crazy you guys, so buy them what they want. A red designer bag could possibly do, but if you really want to see your Scorpio in a good mood for the first time ever, Sam Edelman’s Amber Over The Knee Boot is your best gifting option. She’s a vixen in the bedroom, like truly the kinkiest lil bish you’ve ever seen. A black, lace-y pair of sexy stockings will unleash the slore hiding in the depths of your stone cold Scorpio’s heart.

1. Demiegod Goddess Thong 2. Zara Backpack with Zip Detail 3. T By Alexander Wang French Terry Sweatpants

Sagittarius women are hot AND athletic. They can look sexy in a pair of sweats, so buy them some! She prefers easy accessories that make her feel casually comfortable. This Zara Leather Backpack with Zip Detail will be her go to bag for every activity she has on her packed social schedule. It’s hard to keep this one’s attention, but if you buy her presents she can use in her day-to-day life (like this goddess thong), she’ll be nonstop forced into thinking about how awesome you are.

1. ASOS New Look Waffle Dressing Gown 2. Stuart Weitzman Nudist Suede Heels 3. Chloe Hope Ring

Ah, Capricorns—these cuties are the image of wisdom at its finest. Since she often underestimates her own charm, it’s up to you to help a sister out. Hit her up on Christmas with her favorite cookies and some bomb accessories; Stuart Weitzman’s Nudist Suede Heels are her dream come true, and could only be improved upon by being paired with the Chloe Hope Ring. Really looking to win a Capricorn’s heart? Show her you know how special she is by gifting her the ASOS New Look Waffle Dressing Gown. This practical chica will be practically in love with you.

1. Dior Waterproof Crayon Eyeliner 2. Opening Ceremony Slip On Platform Sneakers 3. Polaroid Instant Snap Digital Camera

Aquarius adores things that run on electricity, plus they’re artsy motherf*ckers. Shooting her loved ones on this Polaroid Instant Snap Digital Camera is soon to be her favorite activity, like ever. Aquarius run on endless energy, but she’ll need to refuel somehow. Bright colors give her life, especially cobalt blue. Opening Ceremony’s Slip On Sneakers will put the right amount of pep into her super stylish step. Or you can gift her Dior’s Waterproof Crayon Eyeliner! A detailed eye using blue liner is sure to make her dazzle at every holiday party she plans on attending.

1. UO Poppin Metallic Notebook 2. Fresh Rose Face Mask 3. Fornasetti R.I.P. Candle

Pisces are the life of the party, but they get their feelings hurt too. She’s funny one moment, but crying the next—pretty much like this Fornasetti R.I.P. Candle. This deep and twisted soul loves you more than you love her. Roses are cheap, but Fresh’s Rose Mask isn’t. Buy her this shamelessly expensive mask, and she’ll be the happiest goddess in the game. Her rose-scented face might help wipe away her tears for a moment, but she’ll need a super stylish metallic journal to fill with her emotions at the end of the day.

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