How Every ‘Vanderpump Rules’ Character Has Stayed Exactly the Freakin Same
Vanderpump Rules Season 5 premiered last night. And sadly, it was like watching a high school reunion where everyone got stuck in time.
The cast are still making out with who they shouldn’t be, drinks are being wasted on sofas, and Lisa still plays fairy godmother (or more like SUR’s counselor).
1. Jax Taylor
The wannabe lothario of the west coast hasn’t changed. We were promised last season that the sunglass smuggler was ready to settle down with new beau Britney Cartwright. Although the episode showed the pair living together, it also brought to light that Jax is STILL spreading rumors… even about his own GF!
Jax wasn’t shy when explaining to people that he walked in on Kristen Doute and Britney Cartwright hooking up… down below. He also attempted — again — at becoming friends with his ex Stassi. Yawn.
2. Stassi Schroeder
Stassi is as ever the mean girl of the show. Last season we saw her groveling her way back into the group proving she had changed after bitching out her nearest and dearest. Inevitably, they took her back… what would the ratings be without their no.1 mean girl?
No doubt the girl gang are gravitating toward Stassi… #whatStassisaysgoes. This time Stassi’s new victim is LaLa Kent and she’s already outing personal information about her. I personally just think she is jealous that there’s a hotter version of her on the show.
3. Scheana Shay
Scheana has finally managed to get a spot on the cool table after 4 seasons of trying. She still clearly idolizes Stassi. Her beau Michael Shay admitted to having a bad relationship with prescription pills last season, Scheana seamed to brush the severity of it under the carpet.
Surprise, surprise he is nowhere to be seen this episode. A source told People that Mr Shay has gone MIA and the couple wont be living together anymore. Maybe it’s time to listen to other people for once.
4. James Kennedy
Remember how you were a drunk mess last season? You know how you said you changed? Well you didn’t fool us… It wasn’t long until you body shamed Katy Maloney and threw a drink over the cool kids just because they didn’t want to welcome you with open arms. His feud with Jax (and now with everyone else) is still very much alive.
Lisa Vanderpump was tired of your behavior last season… and to be quite frank so are we. It’s time to grow up and not keep thinking you can get away with everything because of your English accent.
5. LaLa Kent
We hoped that by this season you would be playing with the girls but sadly you’re not. At least you’re still pursuing careers outside of SUR restaurant. We always knew you got taken on lavish holidays by richer men but now to find out he’s married with children? Tut, tut. Can’t we cut the role of side bitch from the show? First Scheana now LaLa…who next?
6. Kristen Doute
We have always had our trustee drama queen Kristen to rely on and she didn’t disappoint. We will give it to you, you have settled down with a bit with your new man… even though you’re still funding him a bit. You know when you pissed off Stassi by sleeping with Jax? Well now you’re pissing off Jax by messing with his gf Britney. Some things never change.