The 6 Types of Friends You Need to Get Through Any Breakup
So you’re going through a breakup. Sorry! It truly sucks and there’s nothing that will really make it better besides time.
But surrounding yourself with the right people can make it hurt a little less, and maybe even help you feel semi-human. Because luckily, friends are incredibly understanding creatures. There’s nobody better when it comes to listening, nodding, and telling you how great you are. And you don’t even have to bang them in return. Win-win!
So if you’re going through a breakup so bad you no longer enjoy solid foods, consult this handy guide for who you should and shouldn’t be hanging out with over the next few weeks. It might just save your life.
Just whatever you do, don’t bang his friends.
1. The ones who still want to hang out with you.
This is a no-brainer and the most crucial requirement: find the friends who are still trying to be your friend. Because after a long-term relationship dissolves, you might lose a teeny bit of popularity.
Other couples who you and bae double-dated with, for example, could distance themselves out of politeness. Maybe they’ll pick the side of whoever they knew first. Or whoever has a nicer apartment. Don’t take it personally. Everyone has needs, even “couple friends.”
Single friends might also be over you. Sorry about it. There’s a chance that when you dust off the digits of that high school pal you haven’t spoken to in forever, she’ll no longer want to chill with you. Maybe she’s annoyed that you snubbed her in favor of your BF, or she doesn’t feel like catching up with someone who’s ignored her for a year. Or maybe she just doesn’t want to waste time listening to you rant about your ex.
You can’t blame these people. And you certainly shouldn’t force the issue by continuing to text them after they’ve hinted that they’re “busy.” Cut your losses and spend time with the people who love you no matter what.
2. The ones who will get you drunk and take your phone away.
It can be tempting to drink away the sorrows of a breakup. Drinking dulls your emotions, after all.
Well, that is, until it doesn’t anymore and you end up drunk-dialing former bae to wail into the phone about the fantasy future you’ll now never share. Drinking after a breakup can go from 0 to 100 rull quick. That’s why when you reconnect with friends who are about that party life, you need to make sure they’re also friends who have your best interests at heart.
We all have those friends who eagerly suggest rounds of tequila, but disappear to bang a DJ or something before shit hits the fan. Do not go out with those friends unless you have a backup pal around — someone who’s going to help pick up the pieces in case you dissolve into an alcohol-fueled mess after last call. Party with people who will make sure you don’t do anything rash while you’re hammered.
Which brings me to another point: don’t underestimate the power of weed. There’s a reason why “weed-dialing” isn’t a thing. If drinking will bring up too many feels, find your biggest pothead friend and reconnect with her (and her dealer). You’ll be feeling okay in no time, and you’ll even be able to sleep.
Just make sure you don’t go overboard. As the great philosopher Cher Horowitz once said, “It’s one thing to spark up a doobie and get laced at parties, but it’s quite another to be fried all day.”
3. The ones who are into working out and hippie shit.
Unfortunately, you can’t 100% party your problems away. You need to do some soul-searching to heal yourself, learn how to stand alone without a dude, and find out where things went wrong so you’re better in your next relationship.
That’s why now is the perfect time to text that friend who’s always posting pics of green juice to Instagram. On the rare weekend mornings when you’re not hungover, hitting up a yoga or meditation class might be just what you need to get your head on straight and feel like the boss bitch you know you’re capable of being.
Plus, if you work out with a friend, it’s easy to trap her into listening to you whine about your feelings for an hour or so after class under the guise of “getting a smoothie.” Tighter glutes, spiritual harmony, and a bitch sesh — three birds, one stone!
4. Guy friends who secretly want to bang you.
We’re all shallow creatures, men and women alike, and breakups can make us feel hideous and gross — especially as we lose the will to shower, wash our hair, and wax. As shallow as it sounds, compliments from other people are the perfect way to counteract this horrible phenomenon.
And guys don’t really notice details. Like, ever. So to them especially, you’re the same sparkly, whiskey-loving unicorn with boobs that you always have been.
And right now, guy friends who are secretly DTF (a.k.a. all guy friends, let’s be real) are unicorns in their own right, because they have the magical power to make you feel like a desirable human female again.
Don’t get it twisted, we’re not advocating that you actually bang them — you need to do you for a little bit if you ever want to get over your last relationship. But it’s perfectly okay to lap up all the dude-ly advice and compliments they throw your way during your time of need.
There’s nothing wrong with shamelessly seeking and accepting male attention at a time like this. You’re in crisis mode, and if a glorified cat call gets you through it, more power to you. So start meeting your bros for drinks and let them give you no-nonsense reminders that you are a hot and fun person even though your last relationship didn’t work out. Bonus points if you catch them checking you out on the sly for three milliseconds. Don’t you feel alive?!
5. Girlfriends who will tell you you are awesome.
As nice as guy friends are to have around, girlfriends who are generous with compliments are even better, because girls actually have taste. A well-deployed compliment from a bestie is just what you need as you attempt to reassemble your dignity post-breakup.
So find your most flattering friends and arrange them in a semicircle around you, like a dressing room mirror that can speak, but only ever tells you how hot you look. They will have you feeling like the queen you are in no time.
“Don’t worry about him, you’re so much hotter,” is just one of the amazing things your friends might say to you during this trying time. “What’s going on with you? You’re glowing!” is another. And “Oh my god, are you on that breakup diet? Because your cheekbones could cut glass” is yet a third.
6. Girlfriends who won’t blow smoke up your ass.
At the same time, make sure you’re not surrounding yourself exclusively with yes-women. It’s nice to have friends who act as a cheerleading squad telling you that you did nothing wrong, but sadly, it’s not going to help you truly get over it.
Most breakups happen because of a complicated mix of wrongdoing on both sides. We all need to understand that if we want to grow. For that reason, honesty and tough love will serve you well in the long run.
If you only hang out with people who tell you that cheating on your ex or rifling through his phone like a deranged raccoon was totally the right thing to do because he drove you to it out of sheer douchebaggery, you’re only setting yourself up for more failed relationships. Talk to friends who will shoot you straight about your relationship while also reminding you you’re a goddess, because yes, it’s possible to do both at once. You’re a grown ass woman and you’re capable of holding yourself accountable for your actions.
Plus, there’s nothing more annoying than hearing your friend say something nice to you, and knowing she’s lying to make you feel better.
Now go forth and get over your breakup. It’ll get better. Eventually.
