What To Do If Your Best Friend’s Boyfriend Turns Out to be a Total Ass Wipe

Your BFF has been INSISTING you meet her new man. She hasn’t stopped talking about him since they met and now the moment of truth arrives. You meet him and his is a total douche. Actually douche doesn’t even cover it. He’s an ass wipe. And what’s worse? She’s totally oblivious. What now? Fear not, I’m here to help. Like all plans of action all you need to do is identify the problem and take the appropriate action… and keep your friendship in tact.

Problem 1: He Thinks He’s funny.
Nothing worse than a funny guy. Who’s not funny. This isn’t a big deal. If he’s nice to your friend and she’s laughing at his jokes, just laugh with them. It’s nice to laugh. With a bit of luck he might start making some really racist jokes and she’ll soon realise he’s totally not funny.

Problem 2: He Hits On You.
Hit him. Hard. In the face.

Problem 3: He’s a Control Freak
Your friend suddenly deletes facebook because he doesn’t trust her on it. He answers her phone when you call it. And reads all her texts.
He orders for her in restaurants. He tells her off for bad table manners (really). She denies your story that she ever learnt the entire dance routine to The Single Ladies with you (she did) after he claims that’s ” really lame” (it’s not). Now she’s ditched her “slutty” (they weren’t that slutty) clothes and she’s started dressing like Martha Stewart at a funeral. It’s hard to watch – she’s becoming a different person. If she’s that weak then maybe you can boss her into dumping his sorry ass. If you want to be nicer, I think it’s worth talking to her about… if she’s allowed out.

Problem 4: He Uses You to Do Some Digging
If your friend’s new man starts to probe you about her past… it’s not cool to indulge him. Plus it’s very likely to get her (and then yourself) into trouble.
So just remind him of the age old friendship code: Mind Your Own Business.

Problem 5: He’s Always There
Everytime you want to meet up, he’s insisted on joining you. Yawn. Now you can’t make inappropriate jokes or indulge her in gossip about her ex. BORING. Easiest thing to do: invite her to get her legs waxed or help you pick out tampons. At least he’ll probably not come. If he does, he’s a bigger loser than I thought and she’ll probably get rid anyway.

Problem 6: He Doesn’t Trust You
He thinks you are a bad influence on your friend. Because you’re FUN and you like to have fun WITH his girlfriend. And get drunk. And flash policemen on nights out. So now he’s BANNED your friend from going out with you. WHAT? Quite frankly – he needs to chill out. And your pal needs to grow a pair. But until then, maybe tone down your antics a bit and regain his trust so he’ll let your BFF back out to play.


Whatever you do don’t write an article about him and post it on the Internet… unless the feeling’s mutual. And you know he reads EVERYTHING you write… (hello!)

Lexi Rose is a writer based in London, but actually has multiple professions including being an expert in how to maintain a relationships in different environments and getting rid of guys that are obsessed with you. Follow her @MissLexiRose and read her tumblr here.

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