Ryan Lochte Is Acting Super F*cking Fishy About Rio Robbery

So remember last week in Rio when Ryan Lochte was supposedly held at gunpoint and robbed?

Yeah, we do too. Well, it turns out that he might have not been robbed after all, because this footage obtained by the Daily Mail shows Lochte and his teammates, who also claimed they were robbed, returning to the Olympic Village with what appears to be their belongings that were allegedly stolen.

That’s right, immediately after the time when Lochte told everyone he was robbed and shit, he was seen going through a metal detector with his freakin wallet in his hand. Just waving it around!

Just me, or does that make no fucking sense? Like was he robbed or did he just make this up?

And it seems like the authorities in Brazil feel the same way because a judge in Rio has ordered that the passports of Ryan Lochte and Jimmy Feigen, another Team USA swimmer, be confiscated so that they have to stay in the country for questioning about the supposed robbery.

But it doesn’t even matter because he is already back in the US. Jimmy Fiegen might have left. He was in Rio all day yesterday, but he might have flown home before receiving the judge’s orders today.

This is pretty concerning, but to be honest, Lochte’s statement to NBC on what happened wasn’t exactly the most serious.

“We got pulled over, in the taxi, and these guys came out with a badge, a police badge, no lights, no nothing just a police badge and they pulled us over,” Lochte told NBC. “They pulled out their guns, they told the other swimmers to get down on the ground — they got down on the ground. I refused, I was like we didn’t do anything wrong, so — I’m not getting down on the ground.

“And then the guy pulled out his gun, he cocked it, put it to my forehead and he said, ‘Get down,’ and I put my hands up, I was like ‘whatever.’ He took our money, he took my wallet — he left my cell phone, he left my credentials.”

He says that he was like “whatever” when a cocked gun was put to his head.

I would throw up if someone pointed freaking BB gun at me, let alone say “whatever!”

Both Lochte and Fiegen will be investigated for false communication of a crime, which in Brazil, carries a maximum sentence of three years in jail according to the Daily Mail.

It would really suck if it came out that this was true and these swimmers are actually that stupid. Why would you lie about getting robbed?

We will find out soon enough if the swimmers really lied, but until then, we will be watching reruns of “What Would Ryan Lochte Do”, which is also known as the most tragic reality show ever.


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