Brokenhearted Babe: How I Finally Learned to Be Single
Meet Lexi Ioannou, a.k.a. Broken-Hearted Babe, Galore’s new columnist for love advice. Lexi will be answering all your burning questions about love and relationships, but first, allow her to introduce herself. You can send your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org
In the past, some may have labeled me a serial dater.
I have never been one to indulge in hookup culture. So instead, I’ve always just stuck with one guy for a few years at a time. I’ve had my fair share of heartbreak and it’s never been pretty, but to me nothing is more rewarding than being able to experience that intense feeling of independence you get after a breakup.
Independence goes hand in hand with freedom and your ability to not only stand on your own, but also stand tall.
To this day, my mom always reminds me of how when I had my first boyfriend I said to her, “Mom you have nothing to worry about. He is just the cherry on top of the cake that I’ve baked all on my own.”
Well, that cake ended up going to shit **cue “MacArthur Park” by Donna Summer dramatically playing in the background**. And it wasn’t only in that relationship. My judgment has gotten blurred a few times because of the guys I was dating, and I’ve allowed someone else to have control over my own happiness. After my most recent breakup I asked myself, “Can I live with being alone?” The answer was fuck no. And it was a total wakeup call.
I had been hopping from relationship to relationship for so long and was left with little to no sense of self. In all of those years that I had spent with someone else, any type independence that I built in the previous years had been completely diminished. It had gotten to the point where I had no concept of love without a guy by my side telling me what I was worth. That will never happen again, this is a promise that I have made to myself.
After my last breakup I was completely shattered and besides the fact that he broke my heart, a lot of my hurt stemmed from my own lack of independence and self-love. I simply did not know how to function without him. I told myself I no longer believed in love, and that the risk of heartbreak was not worth the joy of love itself. I’m a firm believer in mantras and setting intentions, so that is when I decided if I was going to make changes in my life I was going to take matters into my own hands and set goals for my future. My first goal being to achieve complete and total independence.
The anger associated with heartbreak can leave you bitter and the sadness can leave you hateful, over time I’ve learned that looking at life with no limitations and believing in yourself is the only way to not let the burden of heartbreak destroy you. After my breakup I knew I had to make a come back and was not going to settle for any less than the standard Britney Spears set after her ’07 shaved head breakdown. That’s when I started to put my all into my blog Bohochicken, eventually turning it into a profitable business, and was inspired to write the book I am currently working on, “Brokenhearted Babe.”
Society is always telling us we need to be searching for our better half. Who’s to say we can’t be full all on our own? You know that agonizing feeling you get when you walk in a restaurant and they tilt their head and look at you wryly and say, “Is it just going to be you today?” Like no shit Sherlock, it’s just me! Well recently I was asked that question while being seated at a restaurant and guess what, I actually didn’t feel mortified.
I had owned my party of one and it felt fucking amazing. It was then that I finally felt that familiar sense of independence once again. I was born free and I will never let anything shadow my ability to be independent again, let alone a man. To my surprise, I do still believe in love and that’s because I am now able to give myself the love I deserve all on my own.
Bodysuit: Topshop | Robe: Discount Universe | Shoes: Converse
Dress: Moschino | Shoes: Alexis Gamblin
Jacket: Topshop | Skirt: Versus | Boots: H Shah Designs
Photos by Emily Jane Davis
Styling by Maikeeb (Mikiel Benyamin)