5 Totally Inappropriate First Dates

First dates are awkward. There’s no getting around it. So don’t make it worse and take your date somewhere that’s going to make it even MORE awkward…


Art house cinema…
Picking the right movie for a first date is a hard one to get one right in the first place… but art house is particularly risky. Impressing your date with an arty French film sounds like a lovely idea… unless it turns out to be about heartbreak and really f***ing depressing.

Or imagine if you pick one of those borderline porno-art films where there isn’t really a plot and everyone is just naked all the time and having a shit load of sex. This will either leave your date freaked out and feeling pressured… or with really high expectations.


There is only one major rule when it comes to booking theatre tickets for a first date: make sure the play is not about paedophiles. It’s really awkward.


Theme park…
My boyfriend took me to a theme park for our first date. Cute, right?

Yeah… it’s real cute when you’re terrified of heights… then accidently call your date a cunt really loudly mid-ride and punch him…. or realise after 5 rollercoasters that you feel sick… and like you’re going to puke… right now… everywhere.


How very cultural… a museum. Plus, lots of talking points and things to see… and it’s educational… But ten minutes in the novelty has worn off… pointing at stuff and saying “oooh that’s interesting” is getting a bit old already…

And it’s then that you suddenly realise you’re stuck… with nothing to say. Surrounded by old bones and shit. And it’s probably going to take you another four hours to walk around the rest of it.


Stand up gig…
Comedy show for a first date. A way to break the ice, no need for loads of small talk and also lots of laughter guaranteed. Great idea! Well, until some awful, obnoxious ‘comedian’ hits the stage. His set is going terribly and he’s running out of material. Then he spots you two.. sitting there…oozing with “first date” vibes.
It’ll be too hard to resist… then BANG. There he is… right up in your grill… sticking his microphone in your face… asking you both about the date… “how it’s going…?” …”will tonight result in sex…?”

Probably not, now.


Lexi Rose is a writer based in London, but actually has multiple professions including being an expert in how to maintain a relationships in different environments and getting rid of guys that are obsessed with you. Follow her @MissLexiRose and read her tumblr here.

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