Your Boo Can Win $5000 In The First Ever Scrotal Beauty Pageant

Sugar, spice, and everything nice is what girls are made of. But, what makes up a pair of perfect balls? Is it the smoothness? The roundness? The dick-to-balls ratio? Brian Sloan, the entrepreneur behind Auto Blow and 3Fap, wants to find out.

In Sloan’s recently conducted “vaginal beauty pageant,” winners were 3D scanned to provide the models for the 3Fap sex toy. So, are the “perfect balls” going to be slapped onto a new dildo product? Nope. In fact, Sloan plans to use the mold from the 3D scan of the scotum for “paperweights, doorstops, bookends, and other decorative items” that he believes a “small percentage” of the population will be interested in purchasing.

While I’m not sure just how many people want a big ol’ pair of balls as a paper weight on their cubicle desk, I can say that I envision lots of cocky 20-something year old boys entering their junk into the contest. Sloan even admitted that he expects a large number of participants solely for the fact that winners can brag about having a prize-winning set of balls. The rules of the contest do explicitly state that the photo must not show the shaft of the penis, as to not distract from the scrotum and cause bias, so guys with little dicks still have a shot at winning.

Therefore, if you want to go and browse the current contest entries, you’re just going to see a whole lot of balls awkwardly peeking out from behind posters and out of shorts. The only thing that I have personally noticed from browsing through entries is that while I don’t know what makes the perfect pair of nuts, I can tell you what absolutely does not make the perfect pair of nuts. Moreover, why wouldn’t guys shave before entering a scrotal beauty pageant? Pretty sure every pussy that entered the vaginal beauty contest was perfectly waxed.

Regardless, if you’re tired of your boyfriend being a cheap-ass and not taking you out to dinner, maybe you can win him some money by sneakily snapping a picture of his balls and entering them to win? It may not be the most conventional way to make money, but I’m sure you’ve done worse. Besides, with prize money of $2,000-$5,000, what do you have to lose?

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