7 Worst Places You’ll Run Into Your Ex
If you’re lucky enough to not have any ties to your ex on social media, you can live a peaceful and blissful live with them completely out of sight and out of mind. Of course, you couldn’t just have a great life forever- so you will inevitably run into them. Will it be when you’re on your way out to the club looking hot as f? Will it be when you’re on a date with a professional basketball player? No, of course not. It will be at one of these places…
1. The Grocery Store
Hell, you’ve had a long week and you deserve some “me time.” What’s the harm in loading your cart with some extra chocolate covered pretzels and some two-buck-chucks from Trader Joe’s? And oh lord they’re giving out free mac and cheese samples! Naturally, as your scraping the mozzarella and gruyere from the bottom of the cup, you glance up and see your ex.
Hey uh…. I promise I’m not going to be drinking this wine alone while listening to Taylor Swift’s new album… see you later?
2. The Gym
Sure, we all have those days where we head to the gym in our new Lulu Lemon pants, with makeup still remaining from work, ready to kill it. You will not see your ex on one of these days. You will be headed to the gym with no makeup, a greasy ponytail, and the last of your gym clothes before laundry day. You’ll accidentally make eye contact and curse yourself, but be happy that you’re heading to your kickboxing class where you will be safe… only to find that today out of all days he decides to go to YOUR class. At least you can channel your anger into your jab-cross-punch?
Hi! I’m practicing these moves so I can kick your ass if you ever try to fuck with me again! Please take note of how you used to see me get this sweaty in your bed… and will never again.
3. On A Walk Of Shame
Finally, you’re ready to get back into the field without comparing potential dates to your ex or subconsciously going for dudes that look like him. After a wild night with a hottie, you end up staying over at his place. As you scramble home the next morning in your heels, crop top, and one of his flannels, you stop by CVS for for some Plan B. Naturally, your ex is one aisle over buying protein bars.
Sup… You know what? F*** this Plan B because I’d rather have a baby with last night’s hook-up then with you… at least our kids will be smart and have big dicks!
4. At The Club…When You’re Wasted
Okay, so maybe you’ve been drinking away your sorrows after the break-up. While it’s a one-way-ticket to crying and drunk texting him, we all do it. Who will show up when you’re falling on your face at the club and getting kicked out while asking Siri where the nearest pizza place is? Your ex, of course.
CALLLL MEEE? Wait…no. Fuck you! I love you. Why did you dump me?! I hope you get herpes. Can you call me an uber?
5. With Your Family
It’s been a year, could your family please stop asking how so-and-so is doing at family gatherings? You broke up! Naturally, you’ll be taking a nice walk with the fam on the way to lunch and you’ll walk right past your ex. Instead of avoiding eye contact and becoming increasingly interested in your shoes, your Dad will shout out, “Hey Bud, great to see you!” This will lead to an awkward ass conversation that is kind of like that time you had to watch open-heart-surgery on a field trip in the 9th grade.
Yeah, uh…nice to see you too! My family clearly loves you, but I don’t anymore. Okay, maybe a little…but can you please stop flirting with my grandma? It’s getting weird.
6. With Your Re-Bound
Maybe he’s not that cute, or that smart, but he’s into you and you really need someone to keep you warm at night. He’s not the type of guy you’re going to post as your #mancrushmonday anytime soon, but whatever, right? It’s not so whatever when you’re walking down the street hand in hand with your new dude and you walk right by your ex. Sure, some would call this a good time because you’ve clearly moved on, right? Unless your ex is an idiot (which he may very well be), he’s just going to think your desperate for finally taking out the lazy-eyed dude from the light-saber club.
Fancy seeing you here! You know Garth…right? Yeah we’re NOT TOGETHER *drops hand immediately*
7. When You’re Alone as F***
Why is your best friend always freaking late? As you awkwardly sit alone at a table for two while frantically texting your girl, who should walk in but your ex—with a date. Literally just hide under the table now because no matter what you tell yourself, you are sitting alone at a restaurant while he’s out with a new chick. Try Grubhub next time.
*I will just slowly drown myself in the decorative fountain outside the restaurant*