The Women Of Twin Peaks Season 3

David Lynch’s iconic TV series “Twin Peaks” is back after a 25-year hiatus, and of course we’ve been dying to find out who the new Laura Palmer and Audrey Horne will be.

Well, a look at the “Twin Peaks” IMDB page tells us the new Laura Palmer and Audrey Horne will be… the same as the old ones. Most of the original cast will eventually make their way to the screen. But there’s also a slew of new female characters to get to know.

Why spotlight just the women? Well, David Lynch creates female characters that are like no one else’s (at least, no other Hollywood dudes). The first season of “Twin Peaks” was about a teenage girl who drank, did coke and had sex with randos — and the show never seemed to judge her for it. Instead, it presented her as a human being who was multi-faceted and just happened to have lived a double (or triple or quadruple) life because of society’s expectations of her.

Very thot-positive.

And in terms of visual style, the “Twin Peaks” aesthetic has always been one to copy. I mean hello, Audrey Horne and Shelly Johnson? Who else has ever made preppy American sportswear and waitressing uniforms look so subversive and sexy?

After watching the first episode, I have good news and bad news for people who are on the lookout for classic Lynchian babes.

The bad news is that the fashun moments we loved in early “Twin Peaks” were just not there. At all. Aside from one pink-bomber-and-booty-shorts combo, the clothes were positively drab.

The good news is that the female characters are all as interesting and three-dimensional as they were in the first series. Also, the series is still young, so maybe we will get a new Audrey-Horne-saddle-shoes moment in a future episode.

Anyway, here’s the rundown on all the new ladies we met last night, plus a few old standby characters. We’ll update this list as more female characters are introduced.

1. Laura Palmer (played by Sheryl Lee)

There she is, Miss Twin Peaks!

The cold open for the season three premiere was an infamous dream sequence from season one, featuring Laura Palmer. As David Lynch established in promos when the new season was first announced, Laura really wasn’t kidding back in the day when she told Agent Cooper she’d see him in 25 years.

Sheryl Lee, the actress who plays Laura, is credited as appearing in 18 episodes this season. We’ll see how many of those appearances are in flashback form and how many show a modern-day Laura. The actress is obviously 25 years older than she was when she first played Laura, so it’ll be interesting to see whether the show acknowledges this.

2. Tracey (played by Madeline Zima)

Tracey is a tall drink of New York City water who loves bringing her boyfriend (fuck buddy?) free lattes at work.

She also has the dubious honor of being the first person to free the nip on TV in “Twin Peaks” history.

I’m not gonna lie, I had kinda hoped “Twin Peaks” wouldn’t resort to the prestige TV cliche of showing boobs just cuz they can. But I guess these are just the times we’re living in.

Sadly, though, Tracey is not long for this world. While she’s getting busy with her tiny boyfriend, a supernatural monster appears and starts ripping them to shreds. Or at least, it’s ripping something to shreds, and blood is splattering all over the couple. It’s way more violent — and more scifi — than previous “Twin Peaks” scenes ever were.

READ ALSO: Every Girl Who Wants a Secret Second Life Needs to Watch Twin Peaks

3. Beverly Paige (played by Ashley Judd)

Beverly works at what we all know as the Great Northern, unless the name has changed in the past 25 years. Either way, it’s a hotel, and she seems to have a job doing damage control when customers complain about things like skunks in the rooms.

Also, her boss clearly has designs on her and his stoner brother calls him out on it.

IMDB swears she’s only in one episode, but it seems weird that Ashley Judd would take such a small role, so I think we’ll be seeing more of her.

4. Buella (played by Kathleen Deming)

Buella, Buella, Buella. Where have you been all our lives?!

Buella’s look is iconique and really has her shit together considering she lives in IRL purgatory. She spends her time lurking in this Cabin of Misfit Toys with Special Agent Dale Cooper. And she seems to low-key run the show.

After Buella emerges from the shadows, Cooper asks her, “Ray and Darya — have you got them back there somewhere?”

Buella responds, “I’ll get ’em.” This makes me think she’s some sort of human trafficker or, like, talent wrangler. Maybe she’s Ray and Darya’s agent? It’s not clear.

Incredibly, this is apparently only Kathleen Deming’s third acting credit. It looks like her career started just last year. Maybe David Lynch plucked her from behind the scenes like he did with the guy who played Killer Bob? Such a starmaker!

IMDB tells us Buella’s only in one ep of “Twin Peaks,” but I can’t see David Lynch passing up the opportunity to get more use out of such a Lynchy-looking actor. So we’ll see.

5. Darya (played by Nicole LaLiberte)

Darya’s the bombshell responsible for the aforementioned fashun moment. Slay, Darya, slay!

All we know about her right now is that she’s somehow affiliated with Buella and the other weirdos hanging out at Cooper’s secret cabin hideaway. Oh, and she can rock the hell out of a peekaboo lace bra and a pair of black hot pants. We look forward to learning more about her.

6. Marjorie the neighbor (played by Melissa Jo Bailey)

Okay, first impression of Marjorie: this b is up to NO GOOD! Marjorie is WAY too excited about suddenly living a crime-scene-adjacent life. She has got to take a chill pill.

She’s the one who calls the cops about the stank body rotting next door. She lets them know she hasn’t seen Ruth for three days, and like I said, she’s a little too stoked about it.

Also, she can’t seem to get her story straight — chalk it up to nerves if you want, but I think Marjorie here’s a little more sinister than she looks.

READ ALSO: Twin Peaks Is About to Have a Major Fashion Moment

7. Lucy Moran (played by Kimmy Robertson)

Lucy Moran is still the same Moran as always.

This doofus with a heart of gold provided the comedic relief in the first seasons of “Twin Peaks.” In this episode, though, she seemed much more subdued, although the little-girl voice was still intact.

In fact, the episode overall was devoid of the side jokes that made the original series so lovable. But the original season one pilot wasn’t exactly a laugh-a-minute, either. The humor developed over time. So there’s a chance that could happen with season three, too.

Anyway, Lucy’s kid is now 25 and she seems to still be with Andy Brennan. Combined, the two of them probably have some sick pensions by now, plus like three months of accumulated sick leave for when they retire. Lucy is small-town goals.

8. Ruth Davenport (allegedly played by Emily Stofle)

Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to what’s definitely going to be the most popular Halloween costume of 2017: Ruth Davenport with her eyeball blown out.

Now, when I first saw Ruth’s lifeless dome on that pillow, I thought, “Oh, it’s the new Laura Palmer.”

But then I checked IMDB and to see the actress’s name. She’s credited as Emily Stofle.

And who’s Emily Stofle? She’s David Lynch’s wife. Also, that disembodied head looks nothing like the real Emily Stofle, so there are clearly Lynchian hijinks afoot.

Maybe Ruth Davenport will never appear as a living person. Or maybe the show’s producers are trying to keep the actress’s real identity under wraps. Or maybe this whole murder is just a red herring for something bigger and it’s not going to be the plot-driver that Laura Palmer’s murder was in season one.

Also, an actress named Amy Shiels is credited for 17 episodes but her character doesn’t have a name, so it could be that she’s the real Ruth.

Either way, it was interesting to see just how much more graphic and disgusting Lynch allowed the dead bodies to be in this season. Laura Palmer’s iconic blue lips are adorable compared to what we saw under the covers of last night’s episode.

And ICYMI what we saw under the covers was someone else’s dead body, which might have been pregnant. (If it wasn’t pregnant, I apologize in advance for fat-shaming the deceased.)

9. Constance Talbot (played by Jane Adams)

Constance Talbot is the policewoman who’s present to investigate the scene of the crime when we get our first lewk at the hot new cadaver on the block. We don’t learn a ton from her here, but she seems to have her head on straight, or at least straighter than the dudes involved — kind of like Frances McDormand’s character in “Fargo,” if a bit more boring.

I could see her really putting a dent in this case — but she’s apparently only in two episodes this season so, as I speculated above, maybe this particular murder is a red herring.

10. Log Lady (played by Catherine E. Coulson)

Both the Log Lady and her log are going strong.

The Log Lady’s still her cute and creepy self, and the log is still telling fortunes. How it hasn’t rotted away yet is a mystery, but I guess psychic logs live forever.

So Log Lady calls up the deputy police chief to lay down some woody knowledge. She speaks in a riddle like always, and pretty much gives us zero use-able clues.

“Something is missing, and you have to find it,” she says. “It has to do with Special Agent Dale Cooper… The way you will find it has something to do with your heritage.”

And she closes it, “This is a message from the log,” for anyone who’s slow on the uptake.

Good to see you again, bb!

11. Phyllis Hastings

Phyllis is the fool who opens the door to the cops because she doesn’t realize her husband, who’s a high school principal, is about to get god-damn arrested! Never open the door for the cops, Phyllis. Hide behind a couch instead. Did you not learn anything as an underage drinker?!

Phyllis and her husband, Shaggy from 2002’s “Scooby-Doo” movie, clearly have a cushy life together — Phyllis is so in denial that her husband could be in actual trouble that she yells after him, “The Morgans are coming to dinner!” as the police cart his ass to jail.

So it’ll be interesting to watch her have a Laura-Palmer’s-mom-esque meltdown in the episodes to come, if she even makes it that far.


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