Why You Shouldn’t Worry About Getting Laid At Coachella

Kendall_Jenner_Justin_Beiber_Coachella

We all have that one friend who won’t have a good time somewhere unless they find someone to take home for the night (or at least someone to give them attention). If you don’t have that friend, maybe you are that friend, and it’s okay.

While there are going to be plenty (and I mean plenty) sexy ass, shirtless, hipster dudes running around at Coachella with their dicks practically hanging out, you shouldn’t try to get laid at Coachella. Here’s Why:

1. It’s A Concert, Not a Brothel

While the chicks running around in crochet underwear may have you thinking otherwise, Coachella is supposed to be about the music. Did you pay $400 to see a bunch of awesome bands? Or did you pay $400 to try to find an almost famous DJ  to bang in the back of your tent?

2. You Will Not Find Love In a Hopeless Place

Although the dude that you’re making out with at the Cedric Gervais set keeps telling you he loves you, that probably has something to do with the amount of drugs he has taken, not with your actual personality. Sex at Coachella is a lot less Tumblr chic, and a lot more drunk embarrassment with a dude you’ll never see again (not to mention grimy).

3. Speaking of Grimy…

Do you really want to rub yourself all over another human when neither of you have showered for a couple days and have been profusely sweating in the desert sun? Yeah… me neither…

4. Drunk In Love Only Looks Good On Beyonce

If your idea of good sex involves two belligerent strangers fondling each other behind the tent that you bought for your 3rd grade girl scouts trip, then you have come to the right place! Drunk sex is overrated as hell in my opinion.

5. Coachella Doesn’t Happen Every Day

If you’re lucky enough to go to Coachella, you should enjoy it with your friends! You shouldn’t spend the whole time preoccupied with getting your freak on (because you can do that when you get home).

Gimme More Sex + Dating

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