Why The Bachelor Is Pure Garbage
Rula Al-Nasrawi is a Columbia Graduate whose writing has appeared in Vice, The Atlantic, and other online publications. Her first language is valley girl. Californian bred, NYC residing. @RulaOfTheWorld
I’m really glad it has taken our society over 10 years to realize that The Bachelor is a garbage TV show. If there were ever a time to have an intervention with this show, NOW would definitely be it. After the most recent bachelor Juan Pablo literally slut shamed a woman and revealed his homophobia all in a two week period, it’s time for a lil talk.
Let me break it down for you. The Bachelor is a show about one guy dating over 20 women at one time. In real life, we would call this guy a dirty filthy bastard, but in TV land he’s Prince Charming. Each week that goes by, this dude gives out roses to his favorite ladies, and all of the “uglies” and the “crazies” and the beige walls slowly get sent home. The riveted audience follows this loser’s journey all the way to a cliff or gazebo where he waits to give his last rose to a woman he hardly knows, but hooked up with on a remote island somewhere in a room called the “Fantasy Suite”. Ew.
This year’s lucky man is Juan Pablo, a dreamy idiot from Venezuela who won thousands of women over with his soccer skills and exotic, but also not that exotic because it’s literally South American, accent. This guy had all of us drooling because he’s objectively pretty hot, I’ll be honest. On top of that, he also has a little daughter named Camila and prides himself on being a dedicated dad. Whatever. So then it starts to get a little weird. First of all, I don’t trust people with two first names. Like, what do you want from me? Can I just call you Juan, why are you doing this Juan PABLO? So yeah, besides my initial instincts kicking in about his two first names, he has now proven himself to be a serious ass besides my apparent issues with the show itself.
Last month Juan Pablo told a reporter from The TV Page that there shouldn’t ever be a gay Bachelor on the show because gay people are “more pervert.” Excuse me? Gay people are more pervert? Ok Juan. I’m sure they are more pervert than the guy who hooks up with multiple women and pretends he loves them all. Pervert. After ABC did some damage control, Juan Pablo came back with his own apology saying that he meant that gay people are too “affectionate” “intense” and “racy” for TV, that’s all. Someone help this man. Either get someone to dub over everything he says for the rest of the season or someone help explain to him the concept of homosexuality. Gay is affectionate and racy? Juan, you’re being embarrassing, just stop talking now.
Also earlier this month, Juan Pabs wowed us once again with his own incredible raciness and intensity when he slept with a contestant and then proceeded to slut shame her after the fact, saying that she would not make a good impression on his daughter. Hello? So it’s all this woman’s fault that you both hooked up in front of the whole country and now you are fixing this terrible mistake, also in front of the whole country. Juan to the Pablo what is wrong with you? Do you have a tortilla for a brain right now? So according to you, gay people are pervert and women should feel bad if they sleep with you. Honestly at this rate no one will sleep with you and let’s be real your entire target audience hates you now so there’s that.
Anyway here’s the moral of the story. I am and have always been a huge fan of silly reality shows. And I also do watch The Bachelor from time to time. I’m not saying we should boycott The Bachelor because please, I watch Freaky Eaters like it’s my job who am I to tell anyone what not to watch. But ladies, Juan Pablo is no Prince Charming. There’s nothing charming about this man. And unless this season ends with him ultimately giving his last rose to a soccer ball I’m done with this show. Adios, jerk.