10 Reasons Why Sriracha is Your Boyfriend
1. You Want Him On Top All The Time
On your tacos, on your popcorn, hell- even on your ice cream. You put that shit on everything.
2. He Hurts You, But You Can’t Stay Away
Sure, there was that one time you opened the bottle and it sprayed into your eyes and it burned like hell, but it was obviously an accident and can be forgiven.
3. Sometimes You Need Him in Small Doses
After all, life’s all about balance.
4. But You Really Want To Carry Him Around All Day in Your Pocket
You know you want to buy this keychain for yourself:
5. When He’s Not Around, It Feels Like Something Is Missing
Like when a restaurant is apparently clueless and gives you another type of hot sauce- or worse, no hot sauce at all!
6. Your Friends Don’t Always Understand Why You Love Him So Much
Sure, there may be those times when you get strange looks for putting Sriracha on your apple or bringing your own Sriracha to the movies for popcorn..
7. But You Know They’re Just Jealous They Can’t Handle Him
If you can’t take the heat, stay out of the kitchen.
8. You Know How To Make Him Squirt
Barely any sauce left at the bottom of the bottle? You know just how to coax it out.
9. You Have Dinner Together Every Night
Instead of salt and pepper, you just keep Sriracha on hand for any meal.
10. You Don’t Know What You Did Before You Met Him
You shudder to think of those times when you used to eat avocados and eggs without bae.