Why John Tucker Was The First F*ckboy
Every single time I write about players, fuckboys, or asshole dudes in general, I default to using an image of John Tucker, otherwise known as Jesse Metcalfe’s character from the 2006 chick flick.
Why do I seem so obsessed with John Tucker? I’m not, I swear, but something about him is incredibly iconic. Not iconic in a Meryl Streep or Madonna way, but infamous in a fuckboy way. In fact, I’d argue that John Tucker was the OG fuckboy for our generation. He truly taught us what we needed to know about boys who think with their dicks.
I mean, he takes all his girls to the same fucking restaurant at the same damn table, that’s a major fuckboy move. He also thinks he’s hot shit just because he can put a ball into a hoop occasionally and has pectoral muscles. He uses classic lines like, “girl is my type.” But most importantly, he’ll do anything to get laid, even put on a man thong.
But back in 2006, dudes like John Tucker who secretly dated three girls at once seemed like another Hollywood-invented fantasy to me, like Hogwarts or girls who had abs but never worked out.
When John Tucker came out I was in the sixth grade. I had “dated” boys if you classify going to the movies and holding hands/casually making out as “dating,” but I had no idea what it felt like to be cheated on, or lied to, or taken advantage of.
While watching the film, I would think to myself, “how unrealistic, what guy could possibly pull this off?” I went to a relatively big school (500 in my graduating high school class) and this shit would still never fly. Granted, today we have much more social media to catch a fuckboy red-handed, but even back then, this seemed like an impossible feat.
But John Tucker did it, and he did it relatively well–that is, until he got caught.
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And if John Tucker takes on the role of the first fuckboy you indirectly had to deal with, Brittany Snow’s character, Kate, plays the role of the smarter, more experienced friend that tells you what the fuck is up with the idiot you’ve been hooking up with.
“Okay, let me guess,” she begins, in one of her first lines in the movie. “Does he always use pet names like ‘Baby’ and ‘Sweetheart?’ Yeah, it’s not out of affection, it’s so he won’t mix up your names. And he’s all about an unspoken bond or something special, but never about a relationship.”
Hm, sound familiar?
But John Tucker Must Die also taught us that the answer to a fuckboy isn’t sitting around and letting him play you, or dumping him and wallowing away in Ben & Jerry’s–it’s getting even.
Granted, going to the extent that the girls in the movie go to get revenge on him is time-consuming and kind of pathetic. But I mean, what else did you have to do in high school? And let’s not forget, this is a movie, not real life.
Besides, the best revenge on a fuckboy is forgetting about his ass and living a dope ass life, right?
Let’s just take this as a reminder to leave John Tucker, and fuckboys in general, on the big screen, and not in your life.