7 Reasons Why Guys Are Actually Dogs


We all know that you can call a guy a “dog” when he’s being a perv, and Drake reminded us of this term so nicely on his latest mixtape (I’m still a canine at heart, I’m a dog). But who on earth originally thought of comparing douchebag guys to our adorably fuzzy friends? Oh, wait, here’s why:

1. They Stick Their Face In Your Pussy Without So Much as an Introduction

Not that I would normally mind getting some head… and I wouldn’t necessarily want a guy to “ask” to go down on me. Yet, something about a stranger’s dog delving face first into my nether-regions is a bit startling.

2. They Can’t Do Anything on Their Own

Remember that whole “make me a sandwich” thing? Oh yeah, it’s because guys literally can’t feed themselves… and no, grubhub and easymac certainly don’t count. Whether it’s their mothers or their wives, guys seem to depend on us to do everything; from feeding them to cleaning them to taking them to the bathroom.

3. They Get Too Aggressive

If I want you to jump on me, lick my face, or bite me, I’ll let you know. If you try any of this shit without so much as a “f*ck me” stare from me, I’m locking you in the doghouse until morning.

4. And Whine When They Don’t Get Their Way

The only thing worse than hearing your pup moan all night long because you left him outside? Having to deal with a dude who won’t stop bringing up that one time you wouldn’t try anal with him…

5. You Need to Keep Them On a Leash

If not, they’re going to be running into the arms (or legs) or the next chick they see. I’m sure some chicks would put a leash on their boyfriends when they’re out at the club if it was socially acceptable.

6. They Give Horrible Presents 

It’s a lot easier to tell your pup that you really appreciate the nasty baseball he brought home today from the park than it is to pretend that you love the tacky heart shaped necklace that your boyfriend got you for Christmas.

7. …But you can’t deny that they’re adorable

As much as you might get sick of your favorite dog (or boy) and his antics, at the end of the day you just want someone to snuggle with.

Gimme More Sex + Dating

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