Which Alcohol Are You Dating?
He’s always the one to keep you warm at night, and you can never seem to get enough of him. You constantly find yourself running back to him, even after he’s hurt you and you’ve sworn off of him.
No, I’m not talking about your ex-boyfriend. I’m talking about your favorite alcohol. Because let’s be honest, when all our boy toys are irrelevant, alcohol is where we turn consistently. Face it ladies, whether you’re into Jose or Jack, your real commitment is to the bottle.
Vodka: He’s so conventionally sexy, that you feel obliged to like him. Tall, dark, and handsome, every girl is into him. So of course when he’s into you, you go for it. After starting to spend more time with him though, you realize you’re becoming someone you’re not. Crying after a fight with him? You would never cry over a guy normally! Soon enough, you realize you need a break from his bittersweet love. You’ll have phases with other guys like Whiskey, but you tend to keep going back to Vodka… he’s just always around.
Wine: There’s a reason that once girls have him, they won’t let go. He’s sophisticated, sweet, but also makes you extremely turned on all the time. While he may have been a boxy frat star at one point, he’s aged into an amazing catch who always seems to solve your problems.
Whiskey: He’s so naughtily delicious. He’s one of those guys who is the perfect mix of douche-bag and sweetheart, and he goes down so smooth. However, something always seems to go wrong in the bedroom, leaving you pretty damn sexually frustrated. Guess you’ll have to booty call Vodka tonight instead.
Tequila: Tequila is just so much fun! You’re always going out and trying new things that you would never do before you met him. He loves to dance, and he’s always telling the funniest stories about his past times. But he seems to disappear as soon as it’s time to be serious, and always leaves you feeling like shit after what you thought was great the night before.
Gin: He may not be your usual type, but there’s something about him. He’s always been a little bit of a hipster and avoided the trends, but damn he does look pretty good in those fitted jeans. Unfortunately, his tendency to attempt to discuss Hemingway while you’re out on a Friday isn’t really for you… but he’s always fun once in a while.
Rum: Being with Rum makes you feel like you’re on vacation, probably because you met him somewhere on the beach in Mexico. He caught your interest instantly, but you realize he seems to mix pretty well with any chick he meets… However, once you establish that it’s strictly friends with benefits, you enjoy the fact that he’s strong, but still a little bit sweet and reliable.
Beer: Beer is super manly. He’s tall and burly, and always doing sexy things like wearing his Flannel shirts open (to expose his perfect chest hair) while he makes you Bacon in the morning. However, you get so caught up in him that you forget to notice his flaws, and all at once you’re regretting your decision to make a commitment to him. Plus, too much of him and his constant grilling is starting to affect your waistline…