Where On (Middle) Earth Are The Hotties In The Hobbit Movie?
There are none. Never ever would you think to attribute the word hot to The Hobbit, or Hobbits. But let’s get real, if you too were turned on by appearance of some rather burly men in The Lord of the Rings series (Aragorn) then you would expect something similar in The Hobbit saga. Unfortunately, it didn’t quite work out like that.
The Hobbit is the story of a bunch of Dwarves and Bilbo Baggins who have to steal some stone from a dragon in some cave somewhere in Middle Earth, or at least that’s what I think was going on. The three hour running time does allow you to zone out and check your emails, Twitter, Instagram etc. I watched it with my mother, and her and I literally were awaiting the arrival of a hot person. I mean, Legolas is in it, but I’ve personally never had the hots for the Elves, I’m definitely drawn more to human species. Although the prospect of Legolas’s and I’s offspring, a mixed-race half-elf, sounds almost too curious to pass up.
Then came Bard, who’s not bad but I would describe him as the “best of the butters”, which translated from London slang to American means the best of the ugliest. Also by the time it came to his appearance I’d lost interest in finding a Middle Earth suitor, and actually became more interested in the story.
I think the character that probably excited me the most was Smaug. Smaug is a dragon. A dragon. I’m currently grappling with the fact I have a crush on a fictional dragon named Smaug. HELP.