Why “Taking Things Slow” Is Probs a Red Flag
Even if you’re not the overthinking type, if a guy you’re seeing makes a point to tell you he wants to “take things slow” it sets off some red alarms.
Suddenly, you’re wondering if he’s still hung up on an ex. Or if that thing you did with your tongue the other night weirded him out. Or if he’s emotionally unavailable and was only acting like bae material to get into your pants.
In fact, when people say they want to “take it slow,” it almost seems like they’re doing you a favor by being straight up, but they’re probably not. Here’s what it could really mean, according to Reddit bros and the Galore staff’s experience.
1. He Gets Sudden Repulsion Syndrome
What’s SRS, you ask? Read all about it here, but basically it means you can’t form feelings for someone if you have sex with them too soon. It’s easy to hate on guys that do this, because it seems like they think coming into contact with their dick makes you undatable. But as someone who also experiences this, I can attest to the fact that it’s a real thing and maybe not as misogynistic as it seems.
But regardless, you might not want to get involved with a guy like this. Or if you do, do so at your own risk. He might have his own issues to work out.
“I figured out a while ago that if I sleep with a girl too fast, I just never form the right kind of bond with her,” said Reddit user JaronK. “I have to decide for sure I like her before making that connection.”
2. He Has Performance Issues
One thing we’ve learned from experience? That guys who want to wait to get physical aren’t always doing it to be a gentleman. More often than not, they actually just have performance issues – like whiskey dick, but maybe without the whiskey – that they don’t want you to know about until it’s too late and you’re already semi-attached.
Dudes corroborate this theory.
“I’m bad at sex and she can’t know until it’s too late,” said Reddit user RealPostAllTrue.
3. He’s Still Hung Up On His Ex
When you’re just out of one relationship, chances are you don’t want to get right into another one – even if your new bae is super chill. Obviously, he’s probably not going to say, “sorry girl, I’m still dreaming of my ex,” so instead he’s going to tell you he wants to “take things slow.”
“I have told a girl I wanted to take it slow once when I had just gotten out of a serious relationship and was only ready for an ill-advised and totally mentally unhealthy rebound,” said Reddit user JackPAnderson. “It didn’t help.”
This isn’t the worst, but if you’re worried you’re going to fall for him you should probably back out now, cuz things can get messy. Maybe keep him at arm’s length until he’s had time to mourn.
4. He’s Scared of Relationships/Insecure With His Emotions
A guy who’s afraid of serious relationships is always going to want to take things slow – emotionally, at least. He probably has no problem hopping into bed right after he meets you though.
Chances are, he’s had bad relationships in the past and views every relationship as a way to ruin his life. It doesn’t matter how great you are, he’s not going to see you any differently. GTFO of there.
“I’ve done this before,” said Reddit user Diablo165. “I didn’t know her well, and she liked to dive into stuff… I prefer to ease in, because if I move too fast, I miss red flags.”
This, in combo with the fact he’s probs not over his ex. Is an issue. Does he call his ex crazy too? Literally sprint away.
“I told a girl that [I wanted to take things slow] after I had just gotten dumped and my self-esteem was completely shot down by an ex,” said Reddit user captainfrobie. “There’s perfectly legitimate reasons, and I wouldn’t really pry unless he offers up an explanation himself.”
5. He Only Wants You For Sex
Obvi, anything a guy says that’s sus, this is the first suspicion. And you’re not wrong.
If you’ve already gotten physical and he mutters some shit about “taking it slow,” he means relationship-wise, not sex-wise (clearly). And by slow, he means never going above zero MPH on the relationship front. If you’re only DTF and don’t mind his BS, feel free to keep riding that D. Otherwise, get out before he thinks his sweet talk actually worked.
“In my single days, I would tell a girl that [I wanted to take things slow] for a couple of reasons,” said Reddit user el_koog. “One, I wasn’t comfortable with a girl until I spent more time around them. Two, it seemed every time I said that, the girls instantly found me more attractive, so there was a self serving element in that equation.”
And guys say girls are crazy.
6. He’s Got His Own Issues
If none of the above explanations seem to apply, there are (unfortunately) a slew of other reasons. Maybe he really does like taking things slow (sexually, that is), because he’s sensitive and old school like that. Maybe he wants to actually learn shit about you before hopping face first into your G-string.
At the end of the day, all you can do is speculate and decide if he’s worth the effort to stick around and overthink way too often. But if he can’t be upfront, he’s probably not!