7 Things Celebs Wear to Court
No celebrity ever wants to go to court, but sometimes shit happens.
Maybe they get busted for a DUI, maybe they have to testify against a stalker, or maybe they just show up to their jury duty summons even though they’re famous and low key above the law like that.
While you’ll probably never see any celebrity release a blog post detailing their styling tips on how to come up with the perfect outfit to wear to get out of jail time, there are a handful of tips celebs are keeping all to themselves so they can look fab in court and you’ll just look tragic.
But honestly, isn’t there enough inequality in the world as is?
So we’re blowing up their spot and dishing on all the styling secrets.
READ MORE: Why Marilyn Monroe Never Wore Bright Colors
Generally speaking, when you show up in court, you want to look like an upstanding, put-together, law-abiding citizen who just got caught up in a bad situation, which is probably why Lindsay Lohan wore so many blazers back in the 2000s when going to court was an everyday activity for her.
Here she is wearing a sky-blue blazer and flashing a tentative smile.
And here she is looking like she almost got her look together, but then she realized that she was Lindsay Lohan and fucked either way, so she left her blouse unbuttoned and didn’t even try to look interested in what was going on.
Obviously we don’t need to tell you which of these two looks was the most successful.
Cardigans are the casual older sister of blazers, most commonly worn by grandmothers and middle-aged mothers who want something to throw on just in case they get cold at church.
Here’s Lindsay rocking a neutral-colored cardigan with just a pop of wholesome springtime yellow, rolled up to expose her trackless, tanned skin.
Whether you’re having an affair to remember or spying on the boyfriend you suspect might be cheating on you, trench coats are the classy way to go.
The same goes with court.
Here’s Lindsay Lohan – I know, her again – wearing a muted green trench coat paired with her best Bridget Bardot hair.
And here’s Kim Kardashian wearing a trench coat a few moths ago, on her way from testifying in court against the shitheads that robbed her at gunpoint.
Chic black dresses
Back in the 2000s when celebrities didn’t realize they could just pay people to drive them around, they were getting DUIs right and left.
So to set herself apart from the rest of her celebutante friends, Nicole Richie didn’t just slap a cardigan on over a black shift dress, she waltzed in court looking like she just had breakfast at Tiffany’s.
Shapeless black dresses
Taylor Swift allegedly skipped the VMAs last year because she had to go to jury duty, even though jury duty is something celebrities normally can get out of because they’re celebrities and that’s the way life works.
But instead Taylor put on her best shapeless black dress that looks like something somebody in a hospital would wear to work, presumably so she wouldn’t look too distracting.
Except she’s Taylor Swift so just by existing she looks too distracting to be in a court room with a bunch of normals.
— Ƞ₳₮ĦȺ₦ ĦɄ฿Ƀ₳ɌÐ (@n8foo) August 29, 2016
Occasionally, you’ll find a celebrity who doesn’t think they need to dress up to go to court like Khloe Kardashian, who was like, whatever, I’ll just slap on some skinny jeans and call it a day.
Let the record show that Khloe didn’t have to go to jail, but she did have to take a DUI class, where she went to the hospital and visited victims of drunk drivers so she could learn how her actions have consequences.
Of course, she failed that class and then actually had to spend some time in jail, but hey, at least you know it wasn’t because of the skinny jeans.
And sometimes celebrities make their first jail appearances while they’re currently being held on bond and then they just have to wear whatever jumpsuit the cops hand to them.
Sorry Justin, but maybe you shouldn’t have been drag-racing down the streets of Miami while you were hopped up on booze, pot and prescription drugs.
Just a thought.
Honestly, once you’ve been to court more times that you can count on both hands, why not have a little fun with fashion?
Polka dots are one of the few prints acceptable to wear in court, seeing as it’s a print primarily worn by children under the age of 12 whose parents still buy all their clothes. When you’re in court, the projection of innocence is everything.
It didn’t really help Lindsay in the long run, but fake it til you make it, you feel?