How to Judge a Guy Based on His Drink Order
There’s only so much you can really know about a Tinder date before you meet him IRL. Sure, you know what he looks like (hopefully), you know what he does for a living, and you know how many followers he has on Instagram if you’re a sleuth — but that’s mostly it.
The first few seconds of a date can really make or break it. And, assuming it’s not a coffee date, cuz who wants to meet a dude during the day, you get to judge him silently based on his drink order.
Obvi, you’re going to think he’s 12 if he orders a Piña Colada, and think he’s cray if he orders a Red Bull vodka, but what about the basic drinks that are “normal” to order on a first date? Allow us to explain…
Gin & Tonic:
Thanks to a study that’s been making its rounds on the Internet since sometime last year, we all know that gin drinkers are psychopaths. Not familiar with what a psychopath is? Well, you definitely know a handful of dudes that act like psychos.
Psychopaths basically have no conscience, and won’t feel bad about something until they’re caught. They’re also super manipulative and charming, even though they don’t give a F about you or your emotions.
Gin & tonic drinkers are the types of dudes who are AMAZING on a first date, then they kind of disappear and reappear when they want something. Or, they don’t disappear, but they progressively get more shitty and you don’t realize until it’s too late and you’ve already caught feels.
IPA can scream “I’m a pretentious douche who never had fun in college.” If he starts talking about hops at any point in the night, run away quickly.
But if there’s an IPA on tap and he orders it, he might just like IPAs and know that beer on tap is the way to go. Don’t let the hipster stereotype get to you, it’s better than a Natty Light!
A Cheap Beer:
At first glance, you might assume this dude is classless and cheap, which could be true. But, at the same time, it shows he doesn’t take himself too seriously and is down to turn up — but not in an aggressive way.
He might still kind of be stuck in the days of his college frat, but he also might just not give a fuck about the whole “fancy drink” thing. Just don’t expect him to have a bed frame or to take you to that new fancy French place down the block. He probs isn’t that cultured!
A Craft Cocktail:
This is all situational. If the date is at a cool speakeasy or bar with a mixologist, it’s totally cool if he gets some spicy tequila drink or smoky whiskey cocktail. In fact, he should. If he got a beer at a place with great cocktails, he’s boring af and possibly insecure.
But if you’re at a dive bar and he get’s a cocktail? He clearly doesn’t know right from wrong and is probs immature and/or clueless.
If he orders pinot grigio on a date, he’s a Grigio Girl. JK, but he’s def a sensitive little bb. This could be played to your advantage, cuz he’s probably going to like you more than you like him forevs. But also, it’s hard enough dealing with your own emotions, who wants to deal with a dude’s? If he orders white wine and is also wearing boat shoes? You can do better, bb.
This is more stereotypically “manly” than a guy who orders white wine, but also still a bit more unique. He’s probs a huge momma’s boy and you def shouldn’t date him if you don’t feel like also becoming BFFs with his mom. Although, he’s probs a great boyfriend and will cook you delicious meals in his underwear while you admire his fine behind.
Jack & Coke:
This guy tries really hard to be manly, but somehow still manages to fall flat. He spent his college years talking about how many hot babes he pulls and he probs keeps telling people he’s thinking of joining the military, but has never had the balls to actually do it.
Don’t try to bring up politics unless you want to listen to him mansplain gun rights to you.
Maybe he should switch to Jack & Pepsi?
Hold up — is this a Tinder date or a Seeking Arrangement date with a middle-aged banker looking for a thrill? JK, he’s a guys’ guy. He probably actually has interests or likes to learn shit, which is how he acquired a taste in Bourbon (assuming he’s not choking it down to seem cool). Although if he drinks over three glasses in the night, he might be a low-key alcoholic.