The Oscars Are Gifting All Nominees With ‘Vampire Breast Lifts’ This Year

This year may go down as the year the Oscars were #sowhite, but it will also go down as the year where the awards show’s gift bags would include the world’s classiest thank you gift: vampire breast lifts. 


According to THR, every nominee in the acting and best director categories gets a $20,000 “Everyone Wines at the Oscars” swag bag. And one of the many extravagant items included is the vampire breast lift.

What’s a vampire breast lift, you might ask?

Well, remember when Kim Kardashian helped make vampire facials a thing last summer?

Vampire breast lifts are basically the same thing, only instead of extracting around 60 milliliters of blood from your arm to re-insert into your face, it all goes into your boobs.

This stimulates new collagen growth and blood flow, according to the UK’s Express, and within three weeks breasts will feel firmer and less droopy.

While there’s no word yet on whether any of those 25 celebrities will accept the bag, there’s a chance that Jennifer Lawrence, Cate Blanchett and Leonardo DiCaprio’s next girlfriend are about to give themselves (or their assistants, who usually end up getting tossed these freebies) the gift of boobs that are swollen with extra blood. Hot!

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