Why monogamy can actually be pretty toxic

It’s that time of year when the summer heat starts to fade and the cool breeze starts rolling in; when the leaves turn brown and people panic as they struggle to find a partner to cuddle with in the impending cold months.

This phenomenon is known to millennials as “cuffing season.” The end goal: to find yourself in a serious, committed relationship, by the time Valentine’s Day comes along. And for women especially, this has a darker side. It could mean finding yourself in a position where your worthiness comes from being wanted by someone else.


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However, each and every day, our culture becomes less drawn to the idea of marriage, and the idea of long term relationships. There are articles written everywhere slamming hookup and Tinder culture, and question why our generation just can’t seem to commit. It’s because more of us are realizing how toxic monogamy really is.

First off, there have been numerous scientific studies that show that humans aren’t inherently monogamous. It is natural for us to have sexual and romantic desires toward more than one person. In a monogamous, heteronormative culture, people, women are expected to center these desires to one person. Men experience this too, they often get off the hook because of BS “boys will be boys” ways of thinking. Plus, they can be a lot more controlling of their partners’ sexuality than women are. Let’s not forget the recent case with rapper XXXTentacion, where he allegedly threatened to kill his partner over her singing along to another man’s verse in his song.

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So many people are tricked into thinking that jealousy is a natural indicator of love and affection. And they don’t know how twisted and dangerous that concept really is. Especially for women, its the idea that you belong to your man, and its his job to protect you from any outside sexual influence. Or it’s the internalized misogyny, slut shaming every girl who has a conversation. Kim K is guilty of this too.


Commitment is not synonymous with sexual exclusivity. You can develop a solid and healthy emotional bond with someone without falling into the delusion that your partnership is a singular, unbreakable unit. Monogamy is the unrealistic idea of attachment, and it draws people into believing a strong enough love is enough to overcome any obstacles, any incompatibilities. It’s crazy to believe that a culture where people would rather sacrifice their own sanity and happiness by staying in terrible relationships, simply because they believe it is better than being alone. Somehow, we have all been tricked into thinking that no matter what our circumstances are, having a singular partner is supposed to make everything easier.

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Tragically, monogamous culture has led us all to believe that we need another half (think about all of those cheesy broken heart and key necklaces) or a “soulmate” to complete us. Older generations are convinced we’re a lost cause. Because more and more of us are becoming disillusioned with this heteronormative agenda. We are all learning to identify and love, in different ways that are taboo to society. The real truth is, you can stretch yourself emotionally, romantically, and sexually, as far and as few as you please, but don’t let society’s influence make those choices for you.

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