Top 10 Ways To Mourn A Relationship
We all mourn in different ways. It’s a fact. And while there is no right or wrong way to mourn the end of a relationship, there are several popular ways of doing so. Whether it’s with your favorite drink, trips to your favorite stores, intercourse buddies, we’re here to tell you it’s okay. Here are a few ways we deal with the death of a relationship:
1. Binge Eating
Ben and Jerry’s, Netflix, chocolate, maybe popcorn, definitely some wine in there, basically your typical Friday night but with tears and an empty text inbox. You scroll through seamless like you’re looking for a new job on Craigslist. No filter, no cares given, and no standards. Favorite deli is closed? It’s okay, Chinese is always open for you. Just steer clear of reading your fortune cookie.
2. Not Eating
You can’t eat. Even the very smell of food is enough to make you want to run out and find the nearest bathroom. In a few days though you notice your friends start to compliment your recent weight loss. You’re actually just back to your normal weight, but now that your boyfriend is out the picture you’re not eating late or munching your days away.
All you want to do is curl up in a ball and cry your heart out while listening to your favorite R. Kelly song. If you’re lucky you can call out of work and play the sick card as opposed to being exposed to couples. And for some reason, just when you want to be alone, you notice couples even more. Making out on the train, groping in the club, sucking face in your living room, the squirrels in the park doing it, it’s a nightmare.
4. Club Slut
No boyfriend? No problem. You can call up your favorite club promoters to get back on schedule. Skimpy dresses, high stilettos, and zero cares. You’re not looking for your next prince charming, but testing out the clubs to find your perfect one night stand man. And don’t worry, under all the EDM and strobe lights, he’s there. Probably in a suit with a cranberry vodka stain.
Ahhh yes. There is nothing like finding the perfect rebound after a split. One, two, three times in a row with the same guy or different guys. Who is going to pass judgement on you?
Sometimes you have to escape the friends and questions and memories and hope on a plane to a place where no one knows your name. So probably steer clear of Cheers. But you’re in the perfect mindset to let go and meet new people who make you realize that there is so much more out there in the world. Sometimes one boy is not worth crying or fighting for.
7. Family Time
You’re ready to go kick it back with the folks. Plus, after a break-up, the best person to make you see that your ex sucks is your dad. I believe my father once called my ex, “A goddamn ignoramus”.
8. New Hair
Everyone knows you’re going through some shit when you cut or color your hair. And hey, that’s completely acceptable! Always wanted to join Kim K on the platinum blonde train, but your boyfriend said no? Guess what. You can definitely go for it now. But maybe it’s best to get some opinions from friends first. Just so you don’t end up looking crazy.
Switch up your dull wardrobe that was once filled with boyfriend sweaters and conservative cover ups and buy some new clothes. Because moping around in his pajama pants or oversized shirts is not cute. Nor will it get you laid.
Well this is just a given. Alcohol will take the sting away from any burn. And sure, you may have a drink and start crying about the sad story of your relationship to a stranger. But you’ll get it out of your system and probably scare that stranger away so you’ll never even have to see them again. Such a win.