Help! I’m Tired Of Going To Gay Bars

The Infamous Cubby Hole, Lesbian Bar in NYC

The Infamous Cubby Hole, Lesbian Bar in NYC

Sure, on campus in college there were plenty of places to meet queer babes like yourself. So many clubs, retreats, extra curricular activities full of amazing, interesting, and hot women who wanted to date women– or at least sleep with them every so often. But now it’s summer time and you’re stuck all day at a summer job, internship, and the only place you can go to meet other queer babes like yourself now is a gay bar.

Ah, gay bars. Lesbian bars in particular hold a special place in my heart. They are, in fact, one of the few places you can go where you don’t have to worry about getting creeped on by men in the club. I love dancing and partying at them. But, I never really did find them to be the most conducive environment for meeting people I wanted to hook up with (Okay, there was that one time when I drunkenly made out with some girl AND her girlfriend and that was pretty cool I guess).

The truth is gay bars, like any other bar or party space, don’t lend themselves to getting to know other people– and while they do certainly lend themselves to having fun with your squad, they’re often way too loud, dark, and cramped to “meet people”.

Sure, if you’re looking for a casual hook up, maybe the only “connecting” you need to do is a dance floor make out session. But, for a lot of my friends who are looking for something a little more long term (how about a summer fling, instead of a one night stand?) gay bars aren’t really where they see themselves finding what they’re looking for. So where can you go to meet other gay girls?

1. Tinder 

I know, I know. I hesitated even putting this on the list. But at least on Tinder you have some room to feel each other out and have a conversation before you decide to meet up, let alone sleep together– which is not always the case at a gay bar or lesbian party. One of my friend’s met her last girlfriend on Tinder. They fell in love and had a whirlwind summer romance. That is, until her summer love had to go back to Paris to go back to school– but still, I’d say it was highly successful. Tinder has actually worked out very well for a lot of my queer friends. So if you’re tired of the party scene it may be time to start swiping.

2. Non-Alcoholic Queer Events 

Yes! They exist. It may be hard to imagine, especially in the month of June (aka PRIDE month) but there are tons of queer events all over New York City (and probably any city you are in) at any given time. Interested in a queer hair cutting party? What about a reading at Blue Stockings? What about any event ever on the Blue Stockings bookstore calendar? Go forth my queer bbys and partake in some non party environment wholesome queer socializing.

3. Autostraddle’s A-Camp

Unfortunately, this years A-Camp session has already started but it’s never too late to get ready for next year’s best and biggest queer camp/slumber party in the mountains. A-Camp is basically a week long retreat hosted by Autostraddle where anyone who is queer ages 18-50 all goes to hang out and have fun. You can engage in tried and true camp activities like hiking or crafting OR learn to pole dance and take a class all about tasting whiskey– all with other queers. As their website says, “Forget about straight people and income tax and winter and the internet and BE RIGHT HERE.” UM… sounds ideal.

4. Your Friend Network 

Just because you’re not on campus every day going to class doesn’t mean all of your college friends have disappeared for the summer. It’s likely that most of them are in the city right now with you, maybe at a job or internship of their own. Link up with your friends and make some new ones along the way. So many of my favorite queer people I met through–you guessed it– my friends.  And if all else fails…

5. Throw Your Own Queer Party 

Unlike gay bars, you’ll be surrounded by people you know or friends of friends of people you know, so everyone will seem a lot more familiar. You get to control how loud, large, small, intimate, or raging this party is so you’ll be able to maintain the best environment possible for meeting and connecting with other queer bbys like yourself.

Gimme More Sex + Dating

Do You Like?

Some things are only found on Facebook. Don't miss out.