Ask Tinderella: It’s Been 5 Months And He’s Still On Tinder
So I am currently sitting in the Bangkok airport… and I felt the need to update you since my last write-in. I am still dating Golf Tinder and after a mad blow-out while on holiday, I sent an ultimatum text message.
“Me or Tinder?”
A few messages followed about us not being together anymore and then he unmatched me! So now I can’t be a crazy stalker and see when he was last using the app. He offered to collect me from the airport and told me he his parents know about me.
Then he said he will talk to me when he picks me up. I have bought him a present and he replied saying, “I hope you haven’t spent a lot!” This made me worry as I feel tomorrow’s pick up can only go one of three ways.
1. He just wants to pick me up as he hasn’t seen me for two weeks and there is no motive behind it. He’s going to ignore my stupid message and pretend that nothing has happened. He probably has his new car from his sponsors and just wants to show off and pick me up in the car.
2. He is going to end it. He hopes I haven’t spent too much on a present as he is driving to pick me up. He hasn’t deleted Tinder, he has deleted me! To be honest if I didn’t like him so much I shouldn’t have put up with that and should have walked away! Why can’t I walk away?
3. He is finally going make us official! Like it’s going to be all romantic and he is finally going to ask me out. He said he has missed me, so a girl can dream.
What would you do? I guess I can’t play this cool any longer!
Your biggest fan,
Hey again Kimberly,
OMG GOLF TINDER GET IT TOGETHER. To clarify, your last message was in early February and you had been dating for three months at that time. Which means it is now FIVE months in and he is still on Tinder and the situation is basically the same?
I think you know that my answer is going to be CUT HIM LOSE. He sounds like the kind of guy who would pick a girl up from the airport just to show off a car. A douchebag. More importantly, though, you gave him an ultimatum and he didn’t really address it.
The problem with ultimatums is that if you don’t follow through, people lose respect and it becomes clear that they have a certain power over you. It sounds like Golf Tinder may be the kind of man who wants to have his cake and eat it to.
So if you show him that he can mess you about, he will keep stringing you along for as long as he can without giving you what you want. You are better than this! I know that you really like him, and I know that he makes you happy WHEN YOU ARE WITH HIM, but he puts you through hell when you aren’t!
That’s not how a good relationship should be. Every girl deserves to feel special. I just worry that Golf Tinder isn’t making the effort that he should be. When you pull away, he gives you little crumbs of hope like ‘I told my parents about you’ or ‘I’ll pick you up from the airport’, but at the end of the day he isn’t giving you the commitment that you want and deserve.
After five months, if that conversation hasn’t happened I’m a little worried that it never will. In an ideal world, you would tell this guy to piss off and not to pick you up from the airport.
But I know that’s probably unrealistic so my best advice is that you hear him out and if he says something like ‘I’m just not looking for a relationship right now’, keep your dignity in tact and say, ‘If you can’t give me what I’m looking for then I’m not interested’.
Don’t give a long speech, keep it simple and maintain the upper hand. HE isn’t giving YOU enough… not the other way around. If he does come around and give you the romantic speech that you’ve been wanting to hear then… great? I guess?
I just have a bad feeling about this one. I don’t think he’s good enough, I think you can find better men who will make you a lot happier. Either way, I highly recommend that you throw his present away. Report back with an update please.
And if you have a dating question for Tinderella, email your questions to TinderellaNYC@gmail.com with the subject: Dating Advice.