This woman asked the internet if her hijab was too intimidating to guys
It’s high-key embarrassing how much effort girls put into figuring out what guys “like” in a girl, not to mention the fact that they’re probably taking the opinion of Reddit dudes to heart and getting a new haircut or wardrobe to please men.
But occasionally, among the girls wondering if a guy will ever wife them after first date sex, something a little more noteworthy comes about.
Recently, one Muslim woman took to Reddit to ask if her hijab was making her unapproachable to potential suitors.
It’s an interesting question, and if your religion doesn’t involve wearing a physical signifier of it, you’ve probably never given this a thought.
But dating as a Muslim woman can be tough, even if you don’t wear a head scarf as part of your practice.
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Long story short, the user who posted on Reddit – bipbopi – wears a hijab because without it, her family might not support her. She occasionally goes out without it, but generally wears it. Now that she’s starting graduate school, she’s wondering if she’ll have trouble making friends or getting approached by potential baes because of her hijab.
It’s an interesting question for sure, especially with the anti-Muslim rhetoric being spewed by our president. One of the most interesting things about the responses isn’t that most dudes say they would never approach her, it’s that people make a ton of assumptions about the user and her family because of her religion.
“It screams conservative religious family and scary family members,” said one user. “No thanks, I’ll pass.”
The user clarified with an edit on her original post that her family isn’t that strict, clarifying it for the people who made assumptions.
“It’s all about maintaining an image, which is what the hijab really is nowadays,” she writes. “I don’t have a hoard of family members out to get whoever I date… This is generally the case with most Muslim girls – please don’t assume we all come from traditionalist asshole families.”
Your religion might not involve you wearing a headscarf, but I know plenty of Christian people who go to church to make their parents happy and keep things civil, not because they actually believe in God. Just like Christian and Jewish people can be “religious, but not that religious,” so can Muslim people.
Unsurprisingly, most Reddit guys say they’d never approach her romantically, but would be fine being friends (as if they’d be so lucky…). But again, their responses are laced with assumptions that they probably wouldn’t have towards other religions.
“I’m not likely to approach a woman in a hijab with romantic intent since I’m an atheist, and I doubt a woman wearing it would be interested in something serious with a total nonbeliever,” wrote one user.
How much you want to bet he’d have no problem approaching a woman wearing a huge cross on her neck? If he assumes a woman in a hijab is religious, why doesn’t he make the same assumption about a woman wearing a cross?
Other guys bring up the issue of in-laws, saying that if her parents care that much about what she wears, they’re clearly overbearing. Again, they’re not wrong, but I know plenty of people with overbearing parents that identify with other religions.
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“You can say the same about same-religion in-laws too,” pointed out one user. “If I marry a girl from a different religion, it’s because we love each other and make each other happy. I can take or leave her family (I mostly left mine).”
While the commenters were just being honest, the hypocrisy was evident even to other non-religious Reddit users.
“My family is Jewish,” said volkl47. “I don’t go looking for reasons to cause family strife, so I’m probably not going to ever consider approaching you.”
Another user replied to this comment: “She won’t take it off, because family. You won’t approach her wearing it, because family. Two households, both alike in dignity…”
He’s not wrong.
While just under a handful of dudes said they would approach a woman in a hijab, others said they’d be down to be friends and encouraged her to make the first move since they’d be down to date a woman with a hijab, they just wouldn’t approach her initially because they’d assume she’s not interested.
The responses on the thread likely confirmed bipbopi’s suspicions about her potential dating life, but they also highlight the fact that the Western world sees Islam as so different and extreme from Christianity or Judaism, when in many cases it’s not so different.
A woman in a hijab may not look the same as a bleach blonde Christian girl in a sundress, but chances are they’re not as different as guys think.