6 Former Summer Staples That Look Mom-ish Now
As I packed for a beach-filled trip the other week, I fell into a pit of despair. It wasn’t because I had eaten too much gluten all winter or was pale af (both true), it was because all my warm-weather “beach” clothes were tragically uncool.
The trends have been changing faster and faster thanks to social media and designers ditching the OG runway cycle, and for those of us who can’t afford to buy a new wardrobe every June, it’s easy to get left in the dust.
READ ALSO: 11 Clothing Trends That Scream “Suburbs”
1. Printed Strapless Maxi Dresses
Okay, no hate to Marshall’s or anything, but any type of maxi that looks like it was purchased at Marshall’s is a no-go.
Essentially, anything printed that falls into the Coachella-type boho look is passé. You can probably still pull off a maxi skirt with a super high slit in a solid color, or maybe even a basic black skirt or dress if the accessories are as au courant as possible.
But the nautical striped maxi dresses and floral bonanza skirts of yore are only okay for moms nowadays.
2. Flip Flops Anywhere But The Beach
This should’ve always been a rule — for men especially — but this goes doubly in 2017.
Slides are just trendier nowadays, and they have the same functionality as flip-flops when it comes to the beach. You can get away with flip-flops if you’re taking out the trash or if you’re legit on the beach, but if you try to pop out in a pair of bejeweled “night” flip-flops, you might as well move to the suburbs and adopt some kiddos.
3. Bandage Dresses and Skirts
I know, I know, this is tragic because bandage shit is so flattering. We’re sure it’ll be back, but just not at this time.
The good news is that a ton of other skintight, short, and thotty things are on trend right now, so we’re sure you’ll find a boner-busting replacement instead of risking a twinsies moment with the neighborhood MILF.
4. Flower Crowns
You know it’s bad when Coachella goers — the people that arguably started the whole flower crown trend — aren’t even doing flower crowns anymore. Floral headpieces have gone from basic to tragic in the past year or so, and you don’t want to be on that train anymore.
The see-through thotty fabric of choice this summer is mesh and fishnet, not crochet. Sorry boho babes.
6. Surfer Logo Swimwear
Okay, this may be a little more teeny-bopper that hides under the boardwalk making out with her boo than mom-ish, but if you’re above the age of 18 and wear this you’re going to look like a mom having a mid-life crisis. Neither is a good look.