The Truth About What Justin Bieber Has Going On Inside His Calvins

As hard as it is to take Justin Bieber seriously as an artist, it’s even harder to take him seriously as a sex symbol.  And yet, it’s clear that’s what he really wants from all of us.  And yet, for as many muscles as Justin Bieber’s miraculously made spurt out of his tattoo-covered skin in the past couple of years, we’re not buying it.  And it’s not because we still see him as that kid who sang “Baby” when he was a baby, but because he’s totally lying about the size of his dick. There’s no way that a kid with a face like this:


has a penis that looks like that:


It’s just impossible.

While the actual size of Justin Bieber’s dick has previously remained an elusive secret known only to Selena Gomez and his more attractive female fans, yesterday a picture surfaced that confirmed what we’d always suspected: Justin Bieber’s packing, but it’s no anaconda under the hood.


On September 22nd Justin posted this picture of himself captioned, “Glacier dip in #Iceland.”  While we’re fully aware that cold water can make even the most sizable penises among us shrivel up, his dick is so nonexistent in this picture that it’s actively missing from his crotch.  So why does Justin Bieber look so happy in the photo?

It could be that he’s proud of himself for having figured out a way to do something really stupid and have the public not hate on him, but it could also be that he’s finally been freed from the burden of having a large penis.  It feels good.  It feels right.

Do you agree that coming out as a small-dicked pop star was a good move for Justin Bieber?  Or do you think that having a big dick was good for his image?

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