5 Ways You Can Say Thank You To Your Vagina
Your vagina is your temple: your key to life, love, and the not-always-but-certainly-sometimes-elusive female orgasm. To learn its secrets, one must spend hours worshipping and attending to its needs. So what if you get carpel tunnel? You’re getting closer to your vagina, which more than your partner or future offspring, will be the most important thing to you for the rest of your life. So what have you done for your vagina recently? If your answer is, “Uh, I washed it last night,” or “I had sex with that guy Chad I met at the bar last weekend,” then girl, you’re not treating your girl right. Your vagina is your personal ride or die bitch, so here are 5 ways that you can say thank you to your vagina.
Exercising works our muscles and makes us stronger, and the vagina is no different. Did you know your vagina muscles? Of course you do, you watch Sex and the City. Kegel exercises are super simple to do and they’ll help keep your pelvic floor firm, improve your urinary control (because who doesn’t want that stamina when they’re waiting in an endless line to get to the girl’s bathroom at a club), and can seriously increase your sex life.
Stick a finger in your vagina and tighten. Do you feel that? That’s a kegel. Now, start a pattern of tightening your kegels for 10 seconds and then releasing them for 10 seconds. Repeat five times and then get on with your ordinary schedule. Your vagina will thank you, and so will your future/present partners.
Running late to a date, but you know your vaginal freshness can’t wait? There’s a deodorant for that. Available in scents like tropical rain, island splash, ultra, and baby powder, you’re sure to find a scent that even the pickiest of vaginas wouldn’t mind (although the baby powder scent maaaaay be a boner killer). You wouldn’t go a day without deodorant (unless you’re one of those people, in which case, we can resume our friendship in the fall), and neither should your vag.
3. Buy it some new friends
While there’s nothing a toy can do that your fingers can’t, vaginas are pretty much the opposite of Drake: they’re all about new friends. See, unless you’re having sex, the only person your vagina hangs out with all day is you. Sometimes it gets lonely. Luckily, there are sex toys for that. Vibrators, dildos, some weed-infused lube – there are an endless amount of playmates for your #1 girl. Buy some online or support local businesses and go to one of your friendly, neighborhood sex shops today. Or tomorrow. Your vagina understands you have a busy schedule of Netflix and Seamless to attend to.
While we’d never go on the record as saying that vaginas are ugly, we can’t argue that they’re Plain Janes. Whether you wax or let your hair grow long, there’s not much going on down there. So, why not let your vagina feel like a Glamazon for 1-5 days? Vajazling isn’t as big of a commitment as it sounds. It’s just a fancy name for putting rhinestones on your shaved pussy. While this is something you can do at home, why not just shell a little extra and have a professional painstakingly place and press your crystals for you? If you’re gonna treat yourself, treat yourself right (especially when it only costs between $10-$20).
While not a visible as your face (unless you’re a porn star, of course), vaginas need a little TLC too. A vajacial is exactly what it sounds like: a bunch of exfoliants and creams designed to rejuvenate your netherlands. The procedure takes 50 minute and costs $60, so it’s only for the vaginas who REALLY deserve it. Starting off with an antibacterial body wash, your vagina then gets exfoliated to remove ingrown hairs, treated with an calming mask and finished off with an application of lightening cream. Sooooo refreshing.
Have you told your vagina that you love her today?