The Non-Stoner’s Guide to 4/20

While I’ve never really been a fan of smoking weed, I’ve always found myself surrounded by people who love to smoke. Whether it was my clique of high school friends who would skip class to blaze in the parking lot, or my long term boyfriend who woke me up by hitting the vape in bed. Yes, I have tried smoking weed before, and sure, I’ll do it on occasion. But as someone who doesn’t smoke on the regular, there are a couple things you need to remember on 420:


You Are A Lightweight

If you choose to make 420 the one day of the year when you blaze, I got you. However, your friends that smoke on the regular are probably trying to get as blazed as possible and break their own records for how many joints passed, bongs packed, etc. You are not on that level, and unless you start smoking everyday, you probably never will be. Just like you don’t want to give a non-drinker 10 shots of tequila, you don’t want to take 6 bong rips as a non-smoker.

Try To Avoid Public Places

Maybe I’m not giving you enough credit, maybe you don’t smoke, but you can totally handle getting high and going out for the day. Maybe I’m simply having traumatic flashbacks of last year’s 420; when I took one hit from a gravity bong and ended up passing out over my Eggs Benedict at brunch (yes, it was also Easter on 420 last year). If you can get high and stroll around like it’s just another beautiful day, good for you. If you’re like me? Make sure you’re within a reasonable vicinity of a place to pass out- and maybe not in a nice restaurant.


Don’t Try To Flirt

You’re not some cool, hippie, stoner chick no matter how many weed-leaf printed HUF socks you purchased last month. If the dude you’re into blazes, sweet. If he tries to invite you over to smoke, you don’t have to run away and scream about how “drugs are bad… mmkay?” But you also shouldn’t act like you’re some pro with the bowl when you really can barely use a lighter without burning yourself. Sure, a guy might use “smoking” as a way to get you over to his place. But in reality he probably just wants to f*ck you (with or without smoking first) and he’s not going to want to f*ck you any less because you don’t blaze 24/7.

But If You’ve Got a Dude, You Should Bang

I previously mentioned dating a dude who was a huge stoner, while I could count on one hand the amount of times I smoked with him, one time involved me completely geeking out and having to remind myself that I was driving an actual car and was not playing MarioKart. Although this experience started out very questionable, it ended well because we ended up having sex. While drunk sex usually blows, I’ve found high sex to be pretty awesome.

It’s OKAY To Not Partake 

This isn’t 9th grade anymore where all the “cool kids” are sneaking out at lunch to go smoke in the high school parking lot. You probably have a job, or class, or at least a life (hopefully). If you know that once you start smoking your whole day is going to go to shit, you don’t have to smoke, really. Besides, 4-2-0 will always come around next year.

Gimme More POP

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