A Hidden Message In Beyonce’s New Line Of Flash Tattoos

From the woman who brought us all the word ‘Booylicious‘, the Single Ladies dance, and Feminism comes a new, revolutionary product that will change every living woman’s life for the better.  Introducing: Beyonc-ified flash tats, the most basic thing to come out of Beyonce since literally everything.

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Beyonce is not the type of woman to wear a flash tat (even though she totally has, but we’ll let that slide because bae was at Coachella, and there are just different rules there).  Imagine it’s summer (which shouldn’t be too hard) and you’re walking around in Target or just hanging out in a coffee shop, and you see this basic girl walk by who is really trying hard to pass as edgy.  You know, the kind of girl who doesn’t go to Coachella, but she still wears festival clothes all summer long?  Do you see her clearly in your mind?  This is the type of woman who wears a flash tat.  Not this type.

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Which can only leave us to believing one thing: the hidden message of Beyonce’s new line of flash tattoos is that Beyonce is getting basic on purpose.

See, in the wake of conservative backlash against her sexual behavior and combined mother status, Beyonce decided she needed to do something to cater towards the source of all things basic: our aging, conservative mothers.  She thought to herself, “hmm what came out this year that was sexy and none of the mothers had a problem with?  What made them stop what they were doing and made them say, “ooh, that’s sexy.”

After a moment of private reflection, the answer dawned on Beyonce: 50 Shades of Grey.  “Of corse,” she thought,” All I have to do to get them to love me is basic-icy my ideology, and then I’ll finally be one step closer to world domination.”

Either that, or Beyonce’s secretly basic herself, and this whole “fabulous” thing was just an act, but that seems improbable.

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Beyonce is of course, the first mom  to ever have her own line of temporary tattoos, but then again, she’s probably one of the few moms who could pull of wearing a metallic gun on her chest while shopping in the supermarket (which I’m just going to assume is the once place your mother could confidently feel like she was bad ass enough to pull of a gun tattoo).

However, if you’re not that bad ass with your basicness, Beyonce has graciously allowed you a more comfortable set of options including honeycomb cuffs, “Beyhaive-centric designs to Bey’s most powerful lyrics in the form of a sexy, tattoo script” (which is really just Beyonce song titles in cursive), and you know, other flash tat staple designs.

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And all this can be yours for the low, low cost of $28.  Your bank account may not take a hit, but your street cred sure will.

 

 


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