The First Time I…Received A Marriage Proposal Via Instagram

I’m not going to be completely cynical and say social media is taking over as our main communication medium, but, it’s taking over. When it was still in its developmental stages, arguably in the early 2000’s, it was fascinating, and now in its more developed stages, it’s still fascinating, but in a more decrepit kind of way, depending on who you talk to about it. A form of faux celebrity has slowly crept into the naive hands of anyone in possession of a smartphone with an Instagram app. Your follower count now poses a threat to your social standing and the amount of likes you get determines the quality of life you’re pitching to the Internet world.

Aside from the philosophical end, social media does have its pros and it probably won’t completely bring the human race into its ultimate demise. Yet recently I was reminded of one of Instagram’s many assets and it came from the new DM feature, in which no photo is required. A couple months prior, a guy I didn’t know, had never met before in my life, had commented on one of my photos, a photo posted weeks back, saying something along the lines of “finally finding his true love in LA.” I didn’t think anything of it of course, until after some time I would come to find him “sliding into my DM’s,” if you will, as shocking as it is to actually use that term in a legitimate fashion.

When he did, it was a declaration of sure adoration, so much so that he actually proposed to “take my hand,” with a big diamond ring emoji as the icing on the (wedding?) cake. This guy, from what I could derive from the surface of his Instagram account, was an artist living and working in Brooklyn, polite despite the forwardness, and was actually decently attractive. I was flattered sure, but it was a similar experience to the way I reacted to Tinder admiration when I had the app for all of a week.

I do not have fifty thousand followers, or whatever qualifies you to be Instagram famous. My account is not all selfies, Calvin Klein underwear pictures and food from interesting places. There are girls who probably know what this shallow fascination from people you don’t even personally know feels like and they are probably much more acquainted with it than I am. It’s probably something they are actually used to, and it stopped feeling foreign and strange at some point. They probably have enough Instagram marriage proposals to fit a diamond ring emoji on every finger. I have 810 followers. I’m sure I know a lot of them but there’s no way I could name 810 people I have met, maybe only one time for some, off the top of my head.

It’s both easy and difficult to accept flattery from someone via anything that runs off wifi. It’s easy because there are no further steps. The fact that I could get a guy to fall in love with me just by looking at my Instagram account, but I couldn’t get the guy I was “seeing” in real life to actually commit, or even admit, to being in a relationship is a toss up in itself. However, it’s hard to accept admiration from someone who actually knows nothing about you or the emotionally unstable fuck-up you’re capable of being.

I never made a Pinterest board of what I would want my wedding to look like. I don’t even know if I want to have a wedding. What do I do with the dress after? I have enough of a problem as it is focusing my attention on one thing at a time. While writing this I clicked a flashlight multiple times at my computer screen and lurked probably months deep into Ruby Rose’s Instagram. I still don’t know if she is really friends with Justin Bieber or if it’s all a ploy. But I mean, if it’s not on Instagram, did it really even happen?

There’s a first time for everything, and I don’t just mean your “first time.” Of course, there’s vital, “right of passage” first times that everyone must encounter at some point, for example, moving to a new place, getting your heart broken, and making your first humiliating, drunk decision. Yet first times are imperative to the better (or often, identical) mistakes we’ll make later, and teach us the lessons that we’ll continue to not learn from. Every week, we’re going to be telling real first time stories from real girls, and that includes everything from celebrity house parties to Instagram marriage proposals.

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